A First for Spaceman: He’s the Front-Runner

Here’s the latest dispatch from the campaign trail of Bill (Spaceman) Lee, who’s running for President on the Rhinoceros Party ticket. Campaign manager Charlie McKenzie of Montreal says that since neither the Democrats nor the Republicans have nominated a candidate, and the Rhinos have already chosen Lee, it can mean only one thing.

“We’re declaring front-runner status,” McKenzie said.

That’s not all. The Rhinos are in the midst of a drive in New Hampshire to get 1,500 supporters for Lee in an attempt to get him on the ballot. The leader of Lee’s drive is named Kid Philly, and he works for the Fly By Night Consulting Service, described by McKenzie as “an old hobo.”

McKenzie said Lee will announce next week that he has sent a message to President Daniel Ortega of Nicaragua proposing a baseball game between the United States and Nicaragua to be played in Montreal. Lee plans to search the United States for the perfect team.

McKenzie called this idea the natural progression from Ping-Pong diplomacy. “This is the beginning of baseball diplomacy,” he said. “It is the end of war.”

Can we call it the Sad Sack Exchange? The New York Jets moved Mark Gastineau from right end to left end to protect his left knee, on which he wears a brace because of arthroscopic surgery nine months ago, but so far in the exhibition season, Gastineau hasn’t been doing much sack dancing.

In fact, in the Jets’ exhibition game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Gastineau not only went without a sack, he also had no tackles and no assists in nearly two quarters of work.

There is good news for Tom Heinsohn fans. Do not fret about his being out of work. CBS may have fired him as a commentator on its National Basketball Assn. games, apparently in part for his pro-Celtic leanings, but it hasn’t hurt him in some places.

The word from Boston Garden is that Heinsohn is assured of returning to the Boston pay-per-view cable channel as an analyst on Celtic telecasts next season.

Trivia time: Eddie Murray, with 16 grand slams, and Don Baylor, with 12, have the most of any active players, but who holds the record and how many did he hit? (Answer below)

Brian Bosworth’s contract is an example of not-so-simple math. In the value of dollars today, it cost the Seattle Seahawks $8.268 million over 10 years to sign the rookie linebacker.

Investments will swell that figure to $11 million over 10 years, which is what Bosworth will receive over the life of the deal. Bosworth is set for life, barring major injury.

What do the Seahawks get? Seattle has a history of not renegotiating contracts and $826,000 a year may be a bargain for an All-Pro in 1995, if Bosworth pans out as expected.

Trivia answer: Lou Gehrig hit 23 grand slams in his career.

Quotebook

Cincinnati Manager Pete Rose, explaining why he wouldn’t talk about what he told his players at a team meeting: “That’s why we call it a closed-door meeting. If I wanted you to know, I’d have invited you inside.”