It’s a Tossup Which of These Two Claims Is More Improbable

While dancing in the movie “Bewitched,” Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell bare their darkest secrets.

“Guess what? I’m a witch,” Kidman says.

“Guess what?” Ferrell responds. “I’m a Clippers fan.”

For the cowboy in a rush: At a Jack in the Box in Bishop, Marv Dworzak of Westminster saw an institution I wasn’t aware of -- not a drive-through, but a gallop-through (see photo). You’ll notice that the horse in the back is on the market. I’ve always figured you’d get a better deal buying from a private party than from a used-horse dealer.

Ridin’ the asphalt range (cont.): Terry Cobb of Sun City noticed an old jalopy that had apparently never inflicted any damage on another car (see accompanying).

Dueling signs: On a visit to Maine, Bruce Thompson found a state safety rest area, just the place to snooze if you’ve imbibed a bit too much of the stuff served at the building next door (see photo).

Lines of all kinds: In case you missed it, the American Film Institute has compiled a list of the best quotes from the movies, with No. 1 being Clark Gable’s dismissal of Vivien Leigh in “Gone With the Wind” (1939): “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

I was stunned to see some of my favorite movies ignored, though, including “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die” (1962).

Who can ever forget the classic line uttered by the disembodied head to a voice coming from a closet: “I’m just a head out here. What are you in there?”

Dumb dialogue (cont.): Some more forgettable quotes, from the book “Stupid Movie Lines -- The 776 Dumbest Things Ever Uttered on the Silver Screen”:

* “It’s great to eat under an open sky, even if it is radioactive.”

-- Frankie Avalon as he picnics in L.A. after a nuclear holocaust in “Panic in the Year Zero” (1962).

* “War! War! That’s all you think of, Dick Plantagenet! You burner! You pillager!”

-- A lady in “King Richard and the Crusaders” (1964).

* “I’d like to take you out in a monster-free city.”

-- Discussion between a man and a woman as they look out a skyscraper window at a giant flying monster in “Gamera: Guardian of the Universe” (1995).

* “Suck the coffin mushroom now!”

-- “The Ultimate Vampire” (1991).

* “What’s wrong with you people? They’re dead and you want to teach them tricks?”

-- Military official to a psychologist in “Day of the Dead” (1985).

* “When I’m sitting here with you, I don’t even think about the slime people.”

-- Love scene in “The Slime People” (1962).

Somehow, I can’t picture Rhett Butler uttering that last line to Scarlett O’Hara.

miscelLAny: To that list of puzzling language in advertising -- for example, tire sales called “blowouts” and used cars “that won’t last” -- Harold Forney of Carlsbad adds a department store pledge:

“If we don’t have your size, it’s free.”

Steve Harvey can be reached at [800] LATIMES, Ext. 77083; by fax at [213] 237-4712; by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012; and by e-mail at [email protected].