Pockets of Holiday Opportunity in New York

New York is bustling this Christmas. The warm weather and, for the most part, money in people’s pockets bring out shoppers all over the country.

Not only are the stores doing fabulously, but also the pickpockets.

I happened to get into conversation with one at the skating rink at Rockefeller Center. He was counting the money in a wallet he had just snatched.

“Business is good?” I asked.

“It’s never been better,” he said. “People are spending, and they’re carrying around cash. With the warm weather, no one is wearing a coat, so the snatch is twice as easy and we have been able to double our picks. We’re up 15% from last Christmas.” He dumped the credit cards from the wallet in the trash.

“I hate credit cards,” he said. “They require signatures and sometimes bells go off. My pals use credit cards, but they take a chance because if they’re caught, the credit card companies get sore as hell.”

“Is Rockefeller Center a good location for pickpockets?”

“The best. People are jammed together, and everyone is looking at the tree, and no one is paying any attention to what strangers are doing to them. I tried Broadway, but except for New Year’s Eve, I’ll take this place any time.”

“I imagine Christmas is the best time for pickpockets.”

“We do 50% of our business during the holidays. This year has been exceptionally good because of the economy. We’re even getting wallets with Microsoft stock certificates in them.”

“Would I be correct in saying that with things so good, pickpockets don’t want to impeach President Clinton?”

“They don’t as long as the country is booming. The only thing pickpockets think about are their pockets, and not who the president wishes to dally with in Washington.”

The man said, “Well, I guess I have to go back to work. I may not see crowds like this again.”

“One more question. Have you ever thought of going into an honest profession?”

“I was thinking of becoming a lawyer, but I was afraid everyone would call me a crook.”

I saw him fade into the crowd, his deft fingers brushing against the breast pocket of a man’s blazer. Only in America could one person get that close to another without getting caught.