Stage Light

Comedy is an unforgiving medium, because it either works or it doesn’t. And when it doesn’t, it nearly defies description.

Thus, “Kalifornia Kristmas” at Actors Forum Theatre, is virtually indescribable.

Composed of 20 skits and numbers by writer-director J.C. Curtiss--some of which have nothing to do with the Christmas season, and even less to do with California--”Kalifornia Kristmas” is an astonishingly bad mishmash consisting mostly of attempts at being funny, with a few strident stabs at making a serious point. All of it is unhelpfully underscored by an overly ingratiating narrator named Nicholas St. Nick (Michael Zemenick).

Nicholas, it seems, isn’t the St. Nick, which is too bad because he’s a modern-looking fellow who lacks Santa’s facial hair and, more importantly, charisma. We’re never quite sure who he is, but there he is anyway, always setting up the next scene and--his most alienating trait--summing up what we’ve just seen with a typically groan-worthy pun.

Most of the early skits meander their way to a gag twist (i.e., a seemingly serious job interview turns out to be for Chippendale’s). Some scenes, like that of a couple on a ski vacation, lack even a twist and just meander. Yet other scenes veer from the general comic tone and lecture us, such as a truly bizarre bit with Sheila Heatley as an elderly woman telling how her generation was good while the new one is suspect.

An occasional skit contains a Christmas theme, such as Patty Tossy as an aging hooker picked up by a dapper Santa (Shawn Michaels), but most of them could fall into any weak set of skits at any time of year. Curtiss apparently has a thing about Catholicism, because one scene plays on the musty irreverent-nun gag and another depicts the pope (Bert Hinchman) as a show-biz wannabe.

The one piece of theater here is by Chera Bashor as, ironically, a ditzy actress auditioning for a role. Bashor’s shift from confused thespian into a character with issues is a quiet tribute to acting.

But for all that, Bashor’s bit of magic is lost in the avalanche of hackneyed concepts that makes up this “Kristmas.”

Curtiss’ decisions as director are no better than his writer choices, and it includes having pianist-accompanist Billy Revel deliver a stumbling rendition of Tom Lehrer’s brilliant yuletide lampoon, “A Christmas Carol,” and then allow Revel to intrusively chuckle at unfunny scenes like a human applause sign.

Good tidings to all, but somebody get the hook.

“Kalifornia Kristmas,” Actors Forum Theatre, 10655 Magnolia Blvd., North Hollywood. Fridays-Saturdays, 8 p.m. Ends Dec. 20. $10. (818) 508-0600. Running time: 1 hour, 30 minutes.