Punch Lines

Take a Bowwow: “It took six dogs to play Buddy in the upcoming movie ‘Air Bud: Golden Receiver.’ Hollywood really is going to the dogs!” (the Daily Scoop)

Friendly Skies: A Chinese man who stowed away on a three-hour flight from Shanghai to Tokyo by clinging to the landing gear of a jumbo jet was reported by police to be alive and conscious when the plane landed. “He was immediately arrested for impersonating a coach passenger.” (Steve Voldseth)

Oxymorons: Accused Capitol gunman Russell Weston Jr. appears to be a paranoid, disgruntled loner, obsessed with the government, who often lived in a cabin in Montana. “He’s worse than a murderer, he’s a cliche.” (Daily Scoop)

Home Removement: Sixteen-year-old Jonathan Taylor Thomas is leaving “Home Improvement” to prepare for college. “Why’s he doing it? Five words: Gary Coleman, mall security guard.” (Premiere Radio)

The Dress: “The FBI has finished its first tests on Monica Lewinsky’s dress and has determined conclusively that she could have gotten it for less at Ross.” (Paul Steinberg)

A Special Treat: A Virginia ice cream man was arrested on charges of selling marijuana to kids from his truck. “Actually, it was a great marketing decision. After the kids smoked the pot, they came back and bought 47 Eskimo pies.” (Steinberg)

The No. Is 5: “At South Coast Plaza, the new Christian Dior boutique is so posh, the Chanel perfume has an unlisted number.” (Stan Kaplan)

Hey Dude!: California has begun English-only classes. “Students who speak ‘surfer’ will now have to do so at home.” (Premiere)

The Music Man: Barry Manilow plans to do an album of Frank Sinatra songs. “Sinatra responded from beyond the grave that ‘if the little punk does that, I’ll have him whacked.’ ” (Steinberg)

Frisky Investment: “Investing Social Security money in the stock market could be the best thing to happen to the elderly since gourmet cat food.” (Daily Scoop)

To Tell the Truth: “Clinton administration officials predict there will be a new showdown with Saddam Hussein. Just a guess, I think it’s gonna happen Aug. 17, about five minutes before Clinton is supposed to testify.” (Jay Leno)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.