Not-Any-Good Lions Are Bowl Bound

THE COLLEGES

Well, there’s less than two months to go until that renamed postseason classic, the Blockbust Bowl. As you may recall, Penn State was selected for the honor, in an unprecedented move, before the season. Obviously the promoters knew that the Not-any Lions, losers of three of their last four games, would prove to be a bust.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Bottom Ten are fighting to see who will be Penn State’s opponent.

Brown University struggled at times Saturday, but the Bruins managed to avoid victory, 6-16, to remain No. 1. The UCLA Bruins, meanwhile, lost their fifth in a row, but started a new streak for consecutive games in which they’ve scored (one).

In Corvallis, Oregon State fans tore down the goal posts over the weekend after hearing that the team had a bye. The rankings:

School, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Brown (0-7) 6-16, Cornell Harvard 2. LSU (1-7) 0-32, Mississippi Alabama 3. Yale (4-3) White House 1996 4. Minnesota (1-7) 17-24, Indiana Ohio State 5. Blockbust Bowl Ratings Ratings 6. Temple (1-7) 6-45, Boston College Akron 7. UCLA (3-5)* 12-48, Cal Oregon State 8. Pitt (3-6) 10-41, Syracuse Idle 9. Oregon State (1-6-1) Idle UCLA 10. Mildcats** (9-14) Lost 3 Don’t ask

11. University of Texas at El Out of Bounds Paso (1-7); 12. Missouri (1-7); 13. Vanderbilt (2-5); 14. Maryland (2-7); 15. Tulane (2-6); 16.-18. Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force) (9-14); 19. Electoral College; 20. Penn State (1-3) in October.

*But water polo team ranked eighth in nation.

**Combined records of Northwestern, Kansas State, Kentucky.

Rout of the Week: Oregon State (1-6-1) over UCLA (3-5).

Dishonorable Mention: With a 7-52 loss to Nebraska, Colorado had the distinction of helping end the Cornhuskers’ seven-game losing streak against Top 10 teams.

Thanks for the plug, coach: “You can’t lose to anybody without getting nailed to the cross on Monday morning,” said Nebraska Coach Tom Osborne. “I don’t care if it’s top 10 or Bottom Ten.”

THE PROS

And, now, for a very special election week pro Bottom Ten.

On the Republican side, not surprisingly, it was a bad week for teams whose nicknames symbolize the big-money interests: The losing Bucs (3-5) and Oilers (5-3) were depressed. As for corporate wheeler-dealers, the Raiders (3-5) were idle.

On the Democratic side, the names that represent government-big-spending interests had big days: The Chargers (4-4) evened their ledger and the Bills (6-2) overwhelmed another opponent. Environmentalists, meanwhile, were worried about the chances of the Dolphins (6-2) and Eagles (5-3) surviving in the playoffs and saddened over the grounding of the Falcons’ Chris Miller.

Oddly enough, in an election campaign, neither political party claimed allegiance with the most appropriate name of all. These are trying times for Patriots (0-8).

The rankings:

KFC* STANDINGS

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. New England (0-8) 7-16, Buffalo New Orleans 2. Seattle (1-7) Idle Washington 3. Detroit (2-6) 13-27, Green Bay Dallas 4. Grampa Bay (3-5) 21-23, New Orleans Minnesota 5. N.J. Jets (2-6) Def. Miami (Fla.) 26-14 Denver

*Kentucky Fried Conference.

‘FRIDGE BACKFIELD METER*

Record Pct. 1. With RB ‘Fridge 51-12 .809 2. Without RB ‘Fridge 33-23 .589

*Chicago Bear records during years when swivel-hipped William (Refrigerator) Perry was used as a running back (1985, 1986, 1987 and 1990) compared to years when Coach Mike Ditka stubbornly confined Perry to the defense (1988, 1989, 1991, 1992).

Sounded like a sure measuring rod to us: During the Viking-Bear game last Monday night, ABC’s announcers predicted that George Bush would be reelected if the Vikings won. They pointed out that in the last quarter-century whenever Minnesota won immediately before the election, a Republican went to the White House.

Knee slapper: Dallas’ 320-pound Nate Newton, asked why he had knee problems, told CBS’ Pat Summerall: “Lotta weight, lotta football and a couple of car wrecks.”