REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : No Letters of Recommendation

D / QUARTERBACKS: Bob Gagliano meet Mark Vlasic, and sit down. Vlasic opens ’90 season against management’s wishes and first chance they get Billy Joe Tolliver plays. Now Gagliano gets quick hook in favor of tubby Tolliver look-alike.

C / RUNNING BACKS: You can put Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn together in a movie, just like you can line up Marion Butts and Rod Bernstine together in the backfield. Add Bruce Willis and Bob Gagliano and it’s a waste of talent.

F / RECEIVERS: Front office blamed last year’s dropped passes on coach’s refusal to use ball machine. Now what? After working with ball machine there are six more dropped passes and only one conclusion: These guys can’t catch.

F / OFFENSIVE LINE: Humphries announced earlier he will buy lugs dinner once he becomes starting quarterback. You don’t think that had anything to do with Gagliano getting sacked five times, do you?

B+ / DEFENSIVE LINE: Burt Grossman said everyone was told 10 times not to jump offsides on fourth and two, which explains why Blaise Winter didn’t get the message.

A/F / LINEBACKERS: Why is Junior Seau playing defense when he has better hands than any receiver here? On the other hand, someone tell Henry Rolling to keep his paws to himself. Rolling, a repeat offender as face mask grabber, hurt Chargers last year against Browns.

B+ / DEFENSIVE BACKS: Floyd Fields makes the kind of big plays that Chargers paid $1.02 million to Delton Hall to make. Monty Hall would not approve. Donald Frank does nothing wrong. By the way, did he play?

F / SPECIAL TEAMS: Look for the Chargers to draft SDSU’s Andy Trakas; he’ll fit right in with this bunch. Muffed kickoff, punt return for touchdown, fumbled punt, missed blocks and it’s good thing one of Ross’ strengths is his background in special teams.

F / COACHING: If long-time suffering Charger fans are required to wear fluorescent-green hats, shouldn’t players and coaches be forced to appear in public wearing Charger paraphernalia so everyone knows who they are?