Dear Santa (Ana): Post Office Gets Letters : Visions of ‘Spiter Wars,’ ‘Sowing Mashings’ Dance in Heads of List Makers
“Dear Santa,
“I have ben a good boy but not prfitck. I would like a Batman costtume and a batman game. And maybee spiter wars. If you come I will give you some worm hot coco and draw you on paper.
“Love, Tony”
So maybee Tony isn’t a prfitck speller. The Irvine boy got his message across just the same. By now, Santa Claus must be pretty adept at translating the scrawlings of youngsters.
Every holiday season, thousands of children throughout Orange County make a list and check it twice. Then they drop their wishes in the nearest mailbox. Sometimes with “To Santa” the only directive on the envelope. Sometimes with a hand-drawn stamp in place of the real thing. Sometimes with no stamp whatsoever. And often with no return address--a guy who knows when you are sleeping and knows when you’re awake must know where you live as well.
All those “Dear Santa” letters eventually end up at the Santa Ana post office, hub of activity for Orange County’s mail service.
Letters like Darren’s:
“Thankyou for the guitar I relly like it. Next year I want a go cart. How are you. Can I ask you a question how many elves are there. And say thank you to Mrs. Clause and the chief elve I liked his letter alot. P.S. Will you please mail me back or you could let the chief elve to mail me back. And tell me how roodalf is and all the raindeers are doing I hope he doesnt have a cold like I have.”
Rest assured that the “chief elve”--or perhaps even Santa himself--will not let Darren down. The Mission Viejo child will receive acknowledgement of his letter.
“We hand the letters over to the Salvation Army and other organizations that volunteer to help out,” said U.S. Postal Service spokeswoman Christine Dugas. “Every letter with a return address gets a response. The Salvation Army sends out four different form letters.”
Many of the children employ Darren’s tactic: Butter up Santa with a little sweet talk, and he will bring you good tidings.
“I am 10 years old and I still think you are real,” vowed Katherine of Orange. “Some of my friends don’t think so but don’t worry I do! Oh, by the way I like your reindeers A LOT.”
Santa must have a bumper sticker on his sleigh coaxing, “Ask me about my reindeer,” because many a pen pal does just that.
On her long gift list, Leslie Lynn of Costa Mesa included her yen for “a picture of Rudoff.” Might such a shameless exhibit of flattery be called “red-nosing”?
Leslie Lynn did not stop there. She demonstrated to Santa that she does not think only of herself by opening with a litany of items her mother could use:
“A beautiful dress, a sowing mashing, a car (real), some stockings, some bras, a dozen dresses. . . .”
Other children are a bit more straightforward about the purpose behind their literary efforts. Gutsy Crystal, of Santa Ana, cut through all small talk and got down to the nitty-gritty. In a three-page, single-spaced, margin-to-margin letter, the girl supplied Old Saint Nick with what appears to be the unabridged inventory of a toy store:
“A barbie corvette and a bike and a baby bunk bed and a little baby play pen . . . and a Cinderella vanity set and a Cinderella dress . . . and a rocker chair and a pool table and a little couch and the couch please can be red and a toy chest and please make it pink and a little electronic keyboard and a feet rest for age 8 to 9 and please make it blue. . . .”
One no-nonsense child simply filled an unstamped envelope with ads ripped from a toy catalogue.
Other children whittle their list down to one demand--hard to fulfill, though that one demand may be. “I was wondering if you or your elves could make the log ride at Knottsberry Farm and then make 4 log cars,” Rita queried.
“Me and Kenny wish we were Superman, Santa Klos,” wrote Bobby, in first-gradish print, from Brea.
Beth, of Orange, registered a more tangible request: “I have learned to ride a bike. The bike belongs to my brother. I would like for you to bring me a bike that fits a small 7 year old girl.”
An anonymous correspondent wanted only “a lizzard and a wagon.”
Entreaties for live animals recur almost as frequently as those for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Catie, of Orange, distinguished “real live” animals from “breakable” glass animals--and guaranteed Santa that she would take good care of the “real live” variety:
“I want a real live bird (the cage is tightly sealed), two real live cats (the cats are trained to not eat the bird), a real live turtle, a breakable horse, a breakable china doll, a breakable unicorn.”
Some of the letters to Santa strike a serious rather than humorous note. “I been a good little girl this year,” wrote Alicia of Santa Ana. “I would like to have a Pee Wee scooter. Mommy and Daddy don’t have any money. Please get it for me.”
“Because Orange County is an affluent area, we don’t get many letters expressing a drastic need for material goods,” postal spokeswoman Dugas said. The mail that her division does receive from needy children is directed to volunteers interested in donating toys and food. “But some of the children don’t include a return address. Those are the letters that just break your heart.”
Whether responding to a letter from a child looking to increase his Nintendo game collection, or from one who wants something a little more basic--like shoes--Santa answers with such noncommittal niceties as, “Merry Christmas! Thanks for writing!”
“Otherwise, children might be disappointed on Christmas morning,” Dugas said.
Imagine the scene if Santa promised everything under the sun: Yes, Rita, there is a Santa Claus, and of course he’ll bring you your own personal Knott’s Berry Farm amusement park ride.
