Modern Marriage: Who Should Pay for Each Part of a Wedding?
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Traditional Wedding Etiquette
Weddings have always been a pretty big deal but if you go far enough back in Western history they were less about love and more about securing social and economic ties between families. In many ancient cultures, the bride’s family would provide a dowry to the groom’s family to help the couple start their new life. Over time this customs evolved into the more modern idea that the bride’s family should pay for most of the major wedding costs with the groom’s family paying for certain secondary aspects. Today, however, these rules are much more flexible and many couples and families are figuring out their own unique ways to split the costs.
Modern Cost-Splitting
Weddings are increasingly a major financial burden, and the way costs are split has changed a lot in recent years. Many couples and families no longer follow the traditional breakdown. Here are some of the most common ways wedding expenses are split today:
- One modern, collaborative, and straight-forward approach is for both sets of parents split expenses when they can and want to. The average wedding in the United States costs around $30,000. At that high dollar amount it can be unreasonable to expect just one set of parents alone to cover wedding expenses.
- Some couples are choosing to pay for the entire cost of their wedding themselves. This not only relieves their parents of a large financial burden, but it also allows couples to have full control over the budget and planning process.
- Same-sex couples and couples from different cultural backgrounds often make their own rules based on their personal preferences and family situations.
- Ultimately the best approach is for couples to have open conversations with their families to figure out who can and wants to pay for what.
Traditional Roles
Even though wedding cost-splitting seems to be completely flexible these days, it’s still good to know who is traditionally responsible for specific wedding costs as a framework to build upon. The following is a breakdown various wedding costs and who is traditionally expected to pay for them:
The Bride’s Parents Pay For:
- The wedding venue, ceremony and reception.
- The wedding planner, if couples opt for one.
- The bride’s wedding dress.
- Catering and drinks, including the wedding cake.
- Invitations, thank-you notes and stationery.
- The bride’s dress, veil and accessories.
- Flowers, bouquets and decorations.
- Photography and videography.
- Wedding day transport for the bride and bridal party.
- Ceremony costs, including the officiant fee.
- The newlyweds’ getaway car or transport after the wedding.
The Groom’s Parents Pay For:
- Rehearsal dinner, venue, and catering.
- Alcohol for the wedding reception if separate from the catering bill.
The Bride Pays For:
- The groom’s wedding ring.
- Wedding gifts for the groom and wedding party.
- Hair, makeup and beauty treatments for herself.
- Personal items such as shoes and jewelry.
The Groom Pays For:
- The bride’s engagement ring and wedding band.
- His attire, tuxedo or suit.
- Gifts for the bride, groomsmen and possibly the bride’s parents.
- Marriage license and officiant fee.
- The honeymoon (technically, although this is much more commonly a shared expense by the couple).
Other Wedding Party Expenses
The wedding party also has expenses and it’s good to set clear expectations:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for their own wedding attire, dresses, suits, shoes and accessories.
- The bridal shower is usually paid for by the host of the party. Many times this is the maid of honor, but may also be another close friend or family member who is not in the bridal party.
- Travel and accommodation expenses for out-of-town wedding party members are their responsibility, although the couple may choose to help if they can.
- Some couples pay for hair and makeup for bridesmaids as a thank you.
Planning and Communication
One of the most important parts of wedding planning, in fact the very first step, is talking about and setting the budget:
- Couples should have an open and honest conversation about what they can afford and what financial help they expect from family.
- Parents and other contributors should be involved in budget conversations early on so everyone is on the same page as to expectations.
- A joint budget should be created to outline costs and responsibilities to avoid stress and misunderstandings later.
- Couples should be realistic about what they and their loved ones can afford, and prioritize spending on what matters most to them.
- It’s important to respect the views and limitations of family members who want to contribute but can’t.
Don’t Stress
Wedding expenses shouldn’t be a stress. It’s all about open communication, realistic budgeting and understanding between the couple and their family. Regardless of who’s stepping up to foot the bill, the goal is to have a day that’s happy and meaningful for everyone involved. At the end of the day, the main focus is on celebrating and sharing the love – and that’s priceless!
