Sorry, Charlie Sheen, no room for you in New York -- or is there?

Too troubled for the Big Ap? The New York Post reports that sitcom bad boy Charlie Sheen may have a difficult time finding lodging when he comes to Manhattan for his “My Violent Torpedo of Truth� tour April 8. The Plaza, for one, the place he allegedly trashed during a stay late last year, is probably off limits. Sources told the Post that the Waldorf-Astoria and Trump Soho will also be off limits.

“Many of the big New York hotels don’t want the drama. He is now looking at renting a private residence,� the Post quotes one source as saying.

Sheen’s live one-man show – imagine Mark Twain, but with more wit – will hit more than a dozen cities (though so far not Los Angeles). It comes after Sheen was fired from the nation’s most popular sitcom, “Two and a Half Men,� in a laugh riot of accusations and insults between the 45-year-old actor and the network that made him exceedingly rich. (Or vice versa, depending on whom you believe.)

So what’s a sleepy male diva to do? Here are some ideas:

-- The Comfort Inn on West 35th is always a good value. It has 131 rooms, and with Brendan’s Bar & Grill, it’s just the sort of place that might appeal to a guy like Sheen. I found a room midweek for $159, and the Comfort Inn allows smoking, reportedly a major requirement for Sheen.

--The 1871 House, which feels more like a tasteful country inn than an urban hotel, always gets high marks. Sheen and his reported entourage of 30 could just take over the five-story brownstone. Masonry is generally more difficult to demolish and the old place did survive the mayoral administration of John Lindsay -- an era of trash strikes, labor unrest and general big-city mayhem.

---No doubt a Violent Torpedo of Truth would feel right at home in the New York subway system. Once you’re in, you need never leave, and a single-ride MetroCard costs a mere $2.50. Plenty of sleeping options there, and a sensible choice for a guy who maybe shouldn’t be driving.

-- Meanwhile, spring is here, and some of the finest camping in America is available not far from where Sheen’s show will appear, Radio City Music Hall. Just nine blocks away is Central Park. Midweek, a bench there is free.