Antonio Brown will send your loved one an awkwardly charming message for $500

March 5, 2019 9:35 AM PT

Disgruntled Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Antonio Brown told ESPN’s Jeff Darlington in a recent interview: “I don’t even have to play football if I don’t want. I don’t even need the game.”

Well, of course Brown doesn’t need to play football — not with the sweet backup gig he’s got lined up.

The seven-time Pro Bowler is one of a number of celebrities who record personalized online shout-outs for the Chicago-based company Cameo. For a price, these folks will put their own special touch on a “Happy Birthday,” “I Love You” or whatever other message a customer wants to send to a loved one.

Here’s what a mere $500 can get you from AB:

Talk about a smooth delivery. Who cares if he flubs his lines a little when he’s flashing that signature smile.

There’s more samples of Brown’s work on his Cameo page, including a pep talk for a guy named Bill (“Keep your head up like your nose bleeding”) and birthday wishes for Smooth and Nate (“Sorry I can’t make the party, but I won’t be in town”).

By the way, the word “charity” is listed under Brown’s name on the page, so kudos to him if he’s donating his proceeds.

Three of the four reviews of Brown’s work are positive. The one dissatisfied customer wrote, “He said the business name wrong and looked clearly scripted.”

Wait, isn’t that part of the charm?

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If a greeting from Brown is a bit too pricey, no worries. Former UCLA quarterback Thaddeus Lewis will perform the same service for only $5. Former Laker Smush Parker will do it for $64. Current Rams receiver Cooper Kupp and former USC star Matt Leinart charge $100 each.

If cost isn’t an issue but AB just isn’t your guy, you can always enlist the services of such NFL greats as Terrell Owens ($350), Marshall Faulk ($450), Brett Favre ($500) or Brian Urlacher ($540).

There’s plenty of non-athletes too, like rapper Flavor Flav ($150), comedian Pauly Shore ($150), TV journalist Katie Couric ($200) and drummer Tommy Lee ($350).

What a time to be alive!

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Twitter: @chewkiii