Comments & Curiosities:

Tell me you didn’t forget.

Valentine’s Day falls on Feb. 14 this year, which is to say, today.

If you did forget, you better hope you’re reading early enough to can get to a florist before she wakes up. You should probably unhook the garage door and raise it by hand. That thing would wake the dead, which, if you recall, is where Valentine’s Day comes from – dead Romans, and the ancient Roman holiday of Lupercalia, the annual February fertility fest where the girl-Romans at the party put their names in a bowl and the boy-Romans drew the names.

Flash forward a few millennia, and the little pieces of parchment turned into cards, followed by jewelers, candy makers and of course Hallmark Cards, whipping everyone into a frenzy and badabing, Valentine’s Day, which is one of the most widely celebrated holidays in the world.

That’s what got me thinking that it would be interesting, assuming you use a fairly loose definition of interesting, to see how Valentine’s Day is celebrated everywhere else but here, which is a great place to be if you have to be anywhere.

We begin with the former Prussian Empire. In Germany and Austria, as one would expect, men go for the straightforward, no-nonsense approach. On Valentine’s Day, when you want to tell that very special fräulein “Ich liebe dich,” which let me hasten to add means “I love you” — flowers are how it is done.

At the other end of the spectrum, in the “Could this be any more complicated?” category, is Malaysia. On the Malaysian version of Valentine’s Day, all the single ladies write their names and phone numbers on an orange, yes, an orange, then toss it in the closest river in the hope that the man of their dreams might find it. The “love oranges” are considered very lucky and are eagerly scooped up by fruit vendors and sold at a premium in local markets, which I would think bites if you are one of the single ladies. You carefully write your name and number and “call me” on your orange, launch it and hope Mr. Right finds it, but the only call you get is from an 83-year old woman who lives alone except for her three cats and doesn’t understand why there is a phone number on her orange. Love is not easy, especially in Malaysia.

Australia pretty much does it the way we do, but during the Australian Gold Rush in the 19th century, one sign that you found the mother lode was to send your true love a wildly elaborate Valentine with jewels and flowers and stuffed animals all perched on a satin cushion. The things cost thousands of dollars. Remember, this is the 1800s, in the middle of the Outback. Criminy, mate. You’re making us look bad.

England’s version is also much like ours, probably because we got most of it from them, with a couple of twists like special songs that kids sing in exchange for candy, fruit or money and if I know kids, they’re not hoping for the fruit. The English also whip up special Valentine’s Day buns with caraway seeds, plums and raisins.

Denmark seems to be trying to beat out Malaysia in the love-should-be-really- complicated competition. In addition to sending pressed white flowers called Snowdrops, which sounds very nice, Danish men send Valentine cards called gaekkebrev, which means “joking letter.” The boy Dane writes a rhyme but doesn’t sign his name. Instead, he makes a dot for every letter in his name. If the girl Dane guesses the boy Dane’s name, he gives her an Easter egg when bunny time rolls around. Easy to understand why the Danish approach has never caught on here, no? If the high point of your Valentine’s Day pitch to an American girl is one Easter egg that you show up with two months later, it’s not good.

In Japan, Valentine’s Day involves two days, one month apart. On Feb. 14, Japanese women are the gift-givers. The preferred gift is chocolate but apparently it doesn’t count unless it’s homemade chocolate, which women spend hours making. But here’s the twist: On March 14, known as White Day, not only is it the guys’ turn to pop for a gift, but you give your dream girl the same gift she gave you a month earlier. How does that work exactly? Do you not unwrap what she gave you, or you do open it but just gnaw a little bit around the edges then re-wrap it? How romantic is that exactly? I think that’s it. Nothing says “I love you” like a notated orange, a Danish cryptogram or some chocolate with tooth marks. It just depends on where you are. Around here, I would stick with the flowers. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at [email protected].