COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:

A new year — a fresh start, inspiring, uplifting, wait, I’m in the wrong year. Sorry. Start over.

Just because the state is imploding, the world economy is collapsing, global warming is reaching critical mass, there are two glaciers left and they’re really tiny, you’re upside down on your house and everybody except you is getting at least $9 billion from Washington doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun in 2009.

Toward that end, it is time for the annual review of new laws in California, which is always entertaining. Would it be possible to get through life without the people in Sacramento? I don’t see how. Look how well they’re doing with the budget.

So, 1,187 bills were passed in Sacramento in 2008, which is about average, and the governor signed 772 of them into law. Most of the ones that you might hear or care about have to do with driving, which is important, especially if you have a car.

The big auto-related news this year — which you’ve already seen posted on freeway message boards — is that effective immediately, you cannot text while driving. Hmm. Do you do that? I don’t. Not that I haven’t done things behind the wheel that we don’t need to discuss at this moment, but you need to be way out in the ozone to be doing 65 on the 73 with one eye on your PDA while you’re steering with your knees and typing with your thumbs.

I’m guessing this mostly has to do with 16-year-olds on a learner’s permit.

And by the way, the new law says that both writing and reading text messages while you’re driving is no bueno. Just put the cellphone down and no one will get hurt.

But let’s be honest. Whether it’s the new no-texting law or last year’s hands-free only law, what all this is slowly moving toward is a ban on using cellphones behind the wheel. No matter how the sound is getting into your ear and out of your mouth, when you’re carrying on a conversation and driving at the same time, your brain would prefer not to do both and if you insist, it will do neither well.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not being critical. I am the worst offender in the world and constantly on the phone when I’m in the car, to say nothing of checking for messages every 10.4 seconds. Most people are convinced that using an earphone or a built-in speaker is much safer — except a boatload of research has shown that it is not.

Study after study has shown that talking on the phone behind the wheel hijacks a huge portion of your conscious mind and puts your driving on auto-pilot, only with much slower reaction times.

Admit it. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, all God’s children have done it. You’re heading south on the 405, planning to get off at Culver but you’re talking up a storm on your cell.

Just about the time you say, “Buh-bye, you are an angel, we’ll talk soon,” you regain consciousness and realize that you’re passing Ave Presidio in San Clemente and you have no idea how you got there or what happened to Culver or anything else along the way.

Another new law says that anyone who is caught selling cars without a license will have all their buggies impounded. That one makes sense, although I didn’t know you needed a license to sell cars. I tell you, not a day goes by that you don’t learn something.

This one is kind of odd: As of now, a motorcycle is no longer defined as a vehicle weighing no more than 1,500 pounds, and fully enclosed three-wheeled vehicles are perfectly welcome in the HOV lanes, which is intended to benefit plug-in electric vehicles.

I’m not sure how many three-wheeled electric cars are out there, but if you have one, you can slide into the HOV lane like you were the Queen of Sheba. Does anyone know where Sheba is, by the way? And why is the queen always getting special treatment? I don’t get it.

Speaking of HOV lanes, you know those yellow “Clean Air” stickers on certain hybrids that allow solo drivers to use carpool lanes? The state stopped issuing them a while ago and a sizeable business in bogus Clean Air stickers has popped up.

As of last Thursday, if you get caught making or peddling a phony Clean Air sticker, you’re going to the big house. Fake a sticker, go to jail. That leaves 769 other laws, but I suspect you’ll lead a full life without knowing about them.

That’s it then. Don’t be writing or reading behind the wheel, make sure your Clean Air sticker is legit, and you have a three-wheeled electric vehicle, call me. I want to see it. If you get the voicemail, just text me. I won’t tell. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at [email protected].