IN THE PIPELINE:

Jeffrey Woods, charged on suspicion of felony vehicular manslaughter with gross negligence while intoxicated and felony driving under the influence and causing bodily injury, will be arraigned Friday in Orange County Superior Court in Santa Ana.

Woods is accused of killing Danny Oates, and I was in touch last week with his mom, Kristi Oates. She is understandably distraught, as are the family and circle of friends, at the fact that they now must confront the brutal facts of the case once again — a process that, while necessary, does nothing but rip apart any bit of healing that may have started to occur. I wanted to share some of Kristi Oates’ feelings in this column because too often, the victims (and families of the victims) in tragedies such as this become the afterthought while the focus of defense takes center stage.

I present this column with the full understanding and appreciation of how important the judicial process is, and how the right to a fair trial is paramount in our society. (I’ll point out as well that efforts to reach the Woods family for comment have been unsuccessful.)

This case has changed many lives in our community. Its effects will be felt for many years, regardless of what happens in court. It has pushed to the fold issues about personal responsibility, neighborhood safety and the potentially catastrophic effects brought on by increasingly distracted drivers.

For now, on the eve of the next chapter of this tragedy, I thought the poignant words of Kristi were important to share. This mother in mourning reminds us that, above everything else, what matters here is the memory of her son. Anger, frustration and confusion — no doubt these are understandable emotions in the face of losing a loved one in such a horrific manner. But to hear her, it’s the memory of Danny that keeps them strong; that will help them survive the process.

Kristi said she and her family couldn’t be happier with the recent news of a grand jury indictment. “It’s like we can let out a deep breath ... if only for a little while,” she said. “Every time we have to go to court, it is as if our hearts are being stabbed over and over again. As if it isn’t enough to have to figure out a way to live without our Danny, we have these constant jabs at our emotions and suffer huge setbacks in our grief recovery every time we have to show up in court. To witness the defense cross the line from defense to distortion is unbelievably disturbing to my entire family and it sickens us. We are glad that we are one step closer to having the truth being uncovered. We have to live without our son, whom we adored, but we won’t have to live without the truth being uncovered much longer.”

As far as how the process has been up until now, this: “From the moment Danny was killed, everyone involved did their difficult jobs with such care and thoughtfulness. From the police at the crime scene, to the Huntington Beach detective team, to the District Attorney’s office to the courtroom, everyone has been careful and diligent. I honestly feel less burdened knowing that I am in the hands of a team who will do their very best to uphold the integrity of the process. I thank them for giving Danny and this case the respect and diligence he deserves.”

Kristi shared her feelings on the pain of having her kids experience the legal process.

“While I agree with and clearly understand its purpose, I find the judicial process exceedingly disturbing and disruptive to my healing. My children ask me, ‘Why can’t we just stand up and say, hey Jeff, … just admit what you did and let us all go home!’ I have to tell them that that’s not the way our system works, and that we have to be patient, wait and let the process work. I tell them that Jeff might actually get away with his stories … and this is a terrible accident. I feel the need to brace my children for such an outcome.”

Then there’s the frustration Kristi feels of having to listen to a defense team build a case: “Danny’s death being shrouded in lies is unbearable for me and my family to peacefully endure. It’s as if we are being taunted by the lies on top of the obvious devastation that has already been delivered to us. If Woods had not killed my child that day, I’m certain he would have harmed someone else’s. His truck was a loaded weapon and Danny was unfortunate enough to be in its path.”

Finally, Kristi explained trying to come to grips with the final moment.

“Our only solace is that Danny’s death was swift and instantaneous. We pray that Danny never saw the truck or had a second of fear because we cannot bear the thought of Danny being frightened for his life, if even for a moment. Troy [Danny’s brother] would like to know if his brother was scared, it was the first thing he asked us. We would love Woods to be able to ease our pain by telling us that Danny never saw him coming; but of course, he remembers nothing. The judicial process cannot help me rebuild my life or put my family back together, only I can do that, with the Grace of God and the never-ending support of my loved ones.

The judicial process can, however, deliver consequences for the criminal behavior that led to the death of my child so that I can move beyond the frustration this process brings and come to peace with the loss of my son Danny.”

CHRIS EPTING is the author of 15 books, including “Vanishing Orange County,” released this week. Write him at [email protected].