KIDS THESE DAYS:

There may not be a better year than 2008 to tell you the story of Loraina Antilia.

This year, with housing prices dropping like a stone, retirement funds cut almost in half, unemployment rising, a war in Iraq and an unprecedented amount of general uncertainty, Antilia wakes up every morning thankful to be alive and able to hug her three children.

Eight years ago, when Antilia had just two kids, the court took them away from her.

“I was in a relationship and he got into some trouble, so I became frustrated because I had two children. I became depressed and got into alcohol and drugs, and got my children taken from me. From that point on I couldn’t get it together.”

Antilia also got into trouble and racked up two felony convictions. It took her five years before she decided to take over her life.

When I asked her why she finally came over from the dark side, she said, “I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

I knew better, however, and I know that with people like Antilia, there is always a life-changing event, sometimes something as small as seeing a beautiful sunrise.

“I was homeless and on parole and got into some trouble, and I was looking at prison time.”

During a visit with her in jail due to the probation violation, Antilia’s parole officer told her she faced prison.

“I told him I’d never been to prison, and he told me that I acted like I had been. Then he said that maybe I need to go because it might straighten me out. So he sent me there for one day.

“I did four months in the county jail, then they sent me to the Chino Women’s Institute.”

That one day at Chino was not a test or a conventional program. Simply due to sentencing quirks, Antilia was obligated to spend only the one day there.

“That one day was enough for me. It was gross. I didn’t fit in and realized that I had been hanging out with the wrong people. For a lot of the women, that was their home. But that wasn’t my home.”

Shortly after she was released from Chino in February 2005, Antilia began the long, slow climb back to normalcy.

First, she got out of a really bad relationship and had the sense to ask her parole officer for help changing her location.

“I told him I needed to get out of where I was at because I got released to the same place with the same surroundings, and I told him I wasn’t going to stay sober there.”

Antilia entered the Fletcher program in Garden Grove and was baptized soon after.

Then came another speed bump.

“I met a guy and got pregnant. And because I’d been baptized, my pastor told me I couldn’t have an abortion. So I had to make a choice between giving the baby up for adoption and keeping it. I couldn’t give it up for adoption and I just knew I could make it work. I knew I could.”

Antilia then started on a formal three-phase family reunification program in order to get her kids back.

“I worked, did my chores and finally got my kids back.”

Today, Antilia is in a program sponsored by the Orange Coast Interfaith Shelter (OCIS), based in Costa Mesa. OCIS is providing a rent subsidy and is teaching her budgeting and family skills. Antilia is working full-time, too.

When I met with her, her oldest child, 12, was at the movies, and we watched the younger ones, 9 and 2, cavort on a playground.

“It’s still hard,” she said, “Every day is a struggle.”

Antilia will make it, in part because of the work of places such as OCIS, and in part because she has owned all that has happened to her.

“I made some really bad choices,” she said. “Really bad choices.”

Antilia is not a victim. She and the other families who go through the OCIS program aren’t there because they are looking for charity forever. They’re there because they need a place where they can just stop for a little while in a change of scenery, take a deep breath and then move on.

Everyone who lives in Newport Beach and Costa Mesa should be so proud of the work done at OCIS. At OCIS, mothers such as Antilia are given back their pride, their confidence and sometimes, their families. That is a benefit to all of us.

So this year, when every day seems to bring more bad news, remember the story of Loraina Antilia, who used to be homeless, hooked on drugs and alcohol, and had to dream about seeing her kids instead of being able to creep into their rooms to watch them dream.

Antilia had plenty of help, for which she is eternally grateful. I am asking you today to help more families such as hers by making a donation of any amount to OCIS.

To contribute to this exceptional organization, visit www.ocinterfaithshelter.org/ or call (949) 631-7213.

STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer. Send story ideas to [email protected].