COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:

Is it possible? Can it be? Yes, it’s true. The rumors you’ve been hearing are correct. Thursday is Thanksgiving. Happens every year about this time. This year it’s the last Thursday in November.

Do we have things to be thankful for? Of course we do. Just because your 401K is now a 201K and should be a 101K within a few weeks doesn’t mean we don’t have things we should thank our lucky stars for. I know I do.

What does that mean by the way — “thank your lucky stars?” Does everybody have a lucky star? If they do, I didn’t get one. Are there unlucky stars? What happens if you get one of those, and who decides which one you get? I don’t get it.

Due to the economic downturn, also known as the still-unfolding but inevitably total economic collapse of the world, we’re going to have to cut a few corners on T-Day. Yes I know, you don’t like to hear that.

But not to worry. We will get through this together. I promise you. I’m about to show you how to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner for eight with all the trimmings that will set you back 25 bucks, total, no ups, no extras, don’t thank me, it’s my job. If you trust me you won’t be sorry, but you do have to keep an open mind. Ready? We begin.

We’ve all seen roasted turkeys, grilled turkeys, smoked turkeys, deep-fried turkeys, all of which are fine but all of which are pricey. When you’re tightening your belt, it’s time to consider a SPAM turkey.

Seriously, you’re looking at like four bucks, five max for a very convincing, fully satisfying and wildly salty centerpiece for your T-Day feast. Yes, SPAM is a little fatty, about 1,249 grams per ounce, and it’s hot pink, which some people find off-putting, but it’s Thanksgiving for heaven’s sake. Open your mind.

The important thing here is that SPAM holds its shape just as well as Play-Doh. Better maybe. Definitely do a test run on Wednesday though. When the doorbell rings Thursday afternoon is not the time to look in the oven and realize that what you’ve created is closer to something from “Aliens” that’s snarling at Sigourney Weaver as she tries to un-jam her weapon than it is to a turkey.

Figure one can of SPAM for every two guests. The body of the bird is a snap. You can build the drumsticks around some straws but don’t forget to warn people they’re in there. The wings are tough and you’ll probably need a few tries to get them reasonably close.

Don’t make yourself crazy. You don’t need the little ridges along the edge of the wing. When it looks like a bird, more or less, bake in a 375-degree oven for 40 minutes, drain off all but the last four cups of fat, cover and let stand.

By the way, if you have small people in the house, let everyone make their own SPAM turkey and you’ll give them a Thanksgiving they will never forget. No matter what else happens in their lives, kids will remember the greasy little pink turkey they made at your house forever.

Stuffing is easy. I would go with Stove Top. It’s about two bucks a box, but you can get that down to about $1.60 if you buy a case of 24 boxes. As an option, you can get two pounds of fried rice at Panda Express for under four bucks. Just make sure you pick the little pieces of scrambled egg out before you serve it.

For vegetables, celery stuffed with peanut butter, and it’s KFC all the way for the mashed potatoes — two pounds for three bucks, another buck for the gravy. Could this be any easier? I don’t see how.

Dessert is a no-brainer. You just show me someone who doesn’t like Ding Dongs. Go ahead. You can back that up with a few Twinkies just in case. If you’re a more experienced cook, you can serve the Twinkies and the Ding Dongs in a tic-tac-dough pattern, which your guests will be talking about for a long time.

If anyone whines about pumpkin pie, explain the still unfolding but inevitably total economic collapse of the world to them and tell them they better move fast on a Ding Dong or they’ll be down to a half-smooshed Twinkie.

I think that’s it then. The perfect Thanksgiving dinner for under $25, something from every food group — celery, SPAM and Ding Dongs. Be thankful for everything you have because at this rate, by next Thanksgiving, a SPAM turkey may be way beyond your budget. Have the best T-Day ever. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at [email protected].