COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:

Gas prices driving you mad? Don’t feel like the Lone Ranger, Tonto, there’s a lot of that going around.

I predict we will see five bucks a gallon faster than you can say “gasp.” Beyond that, your guess is as good as mine, and mine is worthless.

While we’re on the subject of getting around, or not, you may have noticed that we don’t cover a lot of news from the Bay Area on these pages.

Every once in a while though, a story comes along that cannot be ignored.

This is one of those times. Meet Diane Craig, 64, of Danville, a pleasant town of about 40,000 people in the East Bay, between San Ramon and Walnut Creek.

Just like the rest of us, Diane has been left flummoxed and rendered furious by the skyrocketing price of gas.

Unlike the rest of us, however, last Wednesday Diane decided she was mad as hell and wasn’t going to take it anymore.

Did she picket the pump? Nope. Push her car off the Bay Bridge? Negative. Hire a skywriter to spell out a message to Mobil? None of the above.

Granted this country was built on protest and speaking your mind is as American as a quesadilla, but as protests go, Diane did not choose well.

According to the San Jose Mercury News, as she was being arrested, Diane told the Danville police “I wanted to take a stand,” which brings us to last Wednesday morning, 10 a.m. to be exact.

That’s when Danville police get a call about a woman — that would be Diane — who lit a fireplace log, as in a Duraflame-type log, in the ladies room at the Arco station on Camino Tassajara.

The caller was Manjid Singh, a clerk at the gas station/mini-mart, who doused the fire himself and watched Diane calmly make her exit.

Minutes later, the police get a call from Harcharandit Kaur, a clerk at the Chevron mini-mart just down the road, that a woman who sounds a lot like Diane just lit up a fireplace log in the women’s restroom.

A few minutes later, the 9-1-1 line goes “brrring” one more time, this time from a Starbucks just down the street from the Arco station and the Chevron station.

Same deal — woman goes in the restroom, cranks up a fireplace log, leaves quick like a bunny.

Finding Diane required something less than the most intense manhunt, or woman hunt, in California history.

The smoke in the ladies room at Starbucks had barely cleared when a Danville police sergeant spotted Diane taking a break at a nearby McDonald’s.

The tipoff? The eight fireplace logs Diane had with her. Apparently, she had a busy morning planned. Diane told police she woke up that morning and decided she had to do something about gas prices.

I’m not sure how that leads to buying a bundle of Duraflame logs and a butane lighter and heading for the ladies room at two gas stations and a Starbucks, but I think everyone should express themselves in their own way.

Diane didn’t answer the next question the police had, which is the first question I would have had — exactly where did Starbucks fit into all this?

Is it because the price of a gallon of gas and a tall latte at Starbucks are roughly equal? Did she stop at Starbucks because she really did have to pee and thought, “what the heck, as long as I’m here I might as well torch it”?

If that’s the case, why didn’t she just go at the Arco station or the Chevron station before she lit up? I don’t get it.

Even after her capture, Diane’s excellent midsummer morning adventure was not done.

As she was getting her complimentary ride to the Martinez jail, the police car she was in was whacked by another car, the driver of which was arrested for driving without a license, after which Diane was taken to a local hospital to be checked out.

I will bet you a dollar that when Diane got to the ER, the nurse wanted to know her full name, where it hurt, and what did Starbucks have to do with any of this?

When she finally got to the Martinez jail, Diane was booked on suspicion of premeditated arson and burglary and held on $810,000 bail, which seems a little stiff for a 64-year-old woman who lit some fireplace logs in a couple of ladies rooms, but I leave that to others.

I believe that’s it — building a fire in the ladies room, and the relationship between a gallon of gas and a tall iced latte and a Madeline at Starbucks. I guess it’s true. Things are different in the Bay Area.

I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at [email protected].