CHASING DOWN THE MUSE: Growing up and coming home to raise their kids

“Things happened in life that mothers could not prevent or fix.” — Joan Didion, “The Year of Magical Thinking”

Sometimes it seems a shame, but there are no real predictors of how children will turn out. After reading the heartbreaking “Beautiful Boy,” by David Sheff, about his son’s addiction, I have found myself thinking about this a lot lately.

This is the time of year when so many celebrations of young people take place as they graduate high school and college, and move on into the world on their own. Some will make their way with seeming ease; others will struggle; some will fail. How can we as parents know what to do, what is the best way to help them along? How can we turn all the days into one long celebration of life — for them, and for us? I wish I knew the answers, as I am sure others wish they did. I can only count the blessings as they come.

We are fortunate in our neighborhood in upper Bluebird Canyon to have an opportunity to know some of our children’s friends as young adults. What delight it is to watch them at play with their own children on these long springtime evenings. I am constantly pleased and often surprised. Our neighborhood profits from the return of these young people.

Alex — known far too long by the sobriquet of “Mudman” as a child because he was always into something dirty and seemed to wear it all over his person — has returned to the neighborhood as an adult. Still the same easygoing, somewhat shy personality (at least with me), he has blossomed into a delightful young man. An electrician by trade, he did some work for us not long ago and was efficient and capable. In a time when too often I hear complaints of shoddy work and have witnessed some myself, this was very refreshing.

Timmy — now Tim, I suppose — with his wife and young son, lives across the street from Alex and his girlfriend. It is a joy to listen to the banter in the evenings or watch Tim with his son on his shoulders, off for a walk. I could never have imagined this scene as he played in the street with the youngsters many years ago.

I don’t remember Evan as a child, though I have seen his picture in our daughters’ yearbooks. Evan and wife, Lindsay, live right next door to us with their two young children. Their house has never before housed a young family. I love hearing their voices at all times of the day. It makes the neighborhood seem yet more alive — and lively. Their voices are a lovely complement to the birds in the tall trees, the golden light and soft breezes.

Justin and Sara have grown and moved out of Robina’s home, but somehow I expect that at some point they, too, will show up back here as neighbors. And it won’t be long before Alia and Edy leave Michelle’s home. They all move on, at least for a while.

What is exceptionally wonderful, though, is that they have all turned out so well. There are no heartbreaking stories here. Our families are so lucky. I applaud them all. I know it is not easy. It never is.

Our 3-year-old grandson was here for a sleepover last week. One of our outings was to ride the “blue bus” downtown. This is a fun time for both of us as I watch him interact with others, observe him learn and grow. On the way home, we got off at Bluebird Park to play before walking the rest of the way home for a nap.

As I followed his tentative moves to make friends with some of the new faces, I could not help but wonder how these children would fare. No predictors, of course. Of all these bright eyes and happy faces, some will be successful in life; some will struggle; some will fail. I wish them all well. And hope we can find more answers to the “how” of doing it right as parents. The children deserve only the best. If only it could be as easy as John Lennon’s words from “Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)”: When you cross the street, take my hand.

CHERRIL DOTY is an artist, writer, and creative coach exploring and enjoying the many mysteries of life in the moment. She can be reached by e-mail at [email protected] or by phone at (949) 251-3883.