TALES FROM THE FRONT:

Editor’s Note: This is the second in a six-part series about war veterans who are members of UC Irvine’s Veterans Student Union.

For a long time, Erik Christensen woke up in pain.

His jaw and teeth would hurt from clenching. He was exhausted by the explosions, the convoy operations, the heavy fire. He was reminded, constantly, of death.

And each time he woke up, each time he experienced all of that, he had to find a new way to escape it.

“I just ignored it and kept pushing forward,” the 25-year-old veteran said. “You try to punch these walls down, but you start becoming worn at the edges. There is not a lot you can do at that point.”

Christensen, 25, was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in the fall of 2007 — four years after he was medevaced out of Iraq.

For a long time after he stopped seeing combat, the images haunted him in his sleep and affected his behavior during the day. He had short-term memory loss and dissociative disorders, constantly misplacing his wallet. He had issues with anger, often getting upset if someone looked at him or spoke to him in a manner he disapproved of; he had nightmares and flashbacks.

“My dad was telling me I need to go and get help, but I thought I could do it by myself, I could handle it,” said Christensen, whose father, John, served in the Army. “He was begging me to go, but I couldn’t admit it to myself.”

Previous studies by the Army have shown 10% to 20% of returning veterans suffer from PTSD, but fewer than half seek treatment.

For those who may think mental illness affects only the weak-minded or the emotionally ill-prepared, here are some things to know about Erik Christensen:

 He is an athletically lean 6-foot-3, a double major in social psychology and criminal justice at UCI;

 He joined the Army on the condition he get into the Judge Advocate General program, better known as JAG. After basic training, he went to Advanced Individual Training;

 He was injured in Iraq, which he won’t comment on, but he fought through it until he was physically unable to;

 He was a part of the 101st Airborne Division that was a part of the initial invasion into Iraq in 2003.

But despite his intelligence, pride and tenacity, Christensen is haunted by his experiences in Iraq.

“In the 101st Airborne Division, and others, mentally you need to keep going to soldier on no matter what,” he said. “I tore my body apart mentally and physically because I wanted to do my job. I was too proud to admit I have a problem and just forced my way through to the end. And you see people who can’t do that as weak or pathetic in the military.”

Christensen sought help when he got off active duty in 2005, but was diagnosed with depression and didn’t seek further help. When symptoms became too much for him in 2007, he went back to the VA and got the help he needed.

“I decided, ‘I need this to stop — it’s killing me,’” he said. “You need a certain amount [of symptoms] to qualify [for PTSD]. I had all of them.”

Now, Christensen helps others. He conducts research at UCI on PTSD and is part of a student group — a Veterans Student Union on campus — that promotes camaraderie among veterans. Christensen has seen what mental illness can do to soldiers and their families, and he wants to help.

“People refuse to admit they are hurt, [they think] mentally that I’m not broken, or if I am, muscle through, and that thinking is so pervasive and so strong that it just stands in the face of reason,” he said. “I do research on post traumatic stress disorder because I wanted to confront my monsters.”

Christensen said policy within the military regarding mental health has improved, but often times — as it was when he was active — the policy didn’t work. With the policy shaped the way it was, leaders could use it to benefit the soldiers or benefit themselves, he said. Sometimes, he recalls, when a soldier would admit to mental illness, leaders would keep them in country for an extended period; this was the opposite of what the soldier needed, he said.

“You can have bad or evil leaders, and they will use the policy to cut your head off,” he said. “They have stopped that now.”

While Christensen is much improved, he has found a public service outlet, and has received help, he still carries the memories with him.

For a portion of his time in Iraq, he was a gunner and faced the dilemma of shooting into crowded areas where enemies were intermingled with civilians. He often chose not to risk civilian lives.

“It weighs on you,” he said. “The great thing about not knowing is not knowing.”

ERIK CHRISTENSEN

 Age: 25

 Hometown: Nevada City, Calif.

 Career goal: Lawyer, possibly politics

 What is the most common misconception about Iraq: “There are only bad things happening and the military is failing. They do a lot of good things. The contractors are failing, and they are pillaging the people.”

DANIEL TEDFORD may be reached at (714) 966-4632 or at [email protected].