CHASING DOWN THE MUSE:Letting go of cherished things

“Hong Kong marks an anniversary with fanfare and protests.” “” New York Times headline

Hong Kong’s got nothing on us! In our family we’ve had our own fair share of fanfare and protest this past week.

Birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, the Fourth, and festival openings...it’s that time of year. This year we added on one more celebration of sorts around our house with the move of husband Mike’s parents. And the move took place on their anniversary and Mike’s dad’s birthday.

Ken and Genevieve have lived in the same two-story house in Encinitas for more than 30 years now. With their advancing age and Ken’s Alzheimer’s, though, it had increasingly become evident that different arrangements needed to be made.

We had finally been able to convince them of the advantages to moving to L.A. where they could be closer to daughter Cynthia and her adult children. If only the convincing had been all there was to it.

After months of planning and talking, finding them a lovely apartment in Park La Brea Towers, and setting a move-in date, steps toward the physical move itself began in earnest.

With a houseful of memories and truckloads of accumulated “stuff” we were happy to have a full two months and more to go through and select and eliminate. Plenty of time. Or so we thought.

Boxes were delivered and promises elicited to whittle the many rooms to just enough to fit in a two-bedroom apartment. We all knew they were attached to their things and that this task would take some near-constant nagging on all our parts.

We were very hopeful, though, when Gen smiled and agreed that yes, of course it was possible and that it was time to do this weeding out. No, they didn’t need six sets of dishes any longer. And of course, then, linens and glasses and other fineries could be minimized as well. We left them to it.

A garage sale was scheduled. It brought in some $400 or so. And then another sale; another few hundred dollars came in. They were even managing to make a bit of extra money on this. One could almost feel their excitement building. They were really getting into this.

As the weeks passed and we were finally down to the final stretch, we started checking in person. Uh-oh. It almost looked like all that had been done was to create a huge mess.

It didn’t seem possible. Yet, there was stuff everywhere and cupboards were still full. Where had all this been hiding?

When I went down the first time, I plunked down my backpack and said, “Give me a job.”

In moments, things began to be clear to me. There was too much that was overwhelming. Holding on to the material things was secure and safe. This was going to be a tough battle. I tried breaking jobs into chunks.

We started with the things on the walls.... Gen wanted to keep all of it, it seemed. Each of us who went to help met with the same protest, “No, I want to keep that.” There was a story that went with each item.

Finally, moving day came. The movers were six hours late, not arriving until evening and staying past midnight only to need to return the next day. This took its toll on everyone. Patience and understanding were hard for all to maintain.

Ken and Gen stayed in the house for the final night and Mike arrived early on the last day of June to take them to their new home.

When our daughter Jenna and I arrived later that afternoon at the Park La Brea Towers things were already starting to shape up. Birthday cake was shared. We all helped put things in place and then left them to their stunning new vistas of the Hollywood Hills. Fanfare... and still some muttered protests about things not there.

There is still much to do. The house in Encinitas is still total chaos. We need yet one more garage sale and then the local Salvation Army truck. The move has been hard on all, yet in the end will result in a better life, we all believe, for the years that remain.

For myself, I learned a lot about the things we keep and what we are willing to let go. I have even greater resolve to choose these with care at all times.

I got clues about past and future that I had not given much thought to before.

I hope my children won’t have to push and be “bossy” with me when the time comes, but who knows? I try to understand and hope I will be accorded the same. I wish this for all of us.

And, meanwhile, on with the celebrations and all of life that is here to be held! Let the lessons be learned.

Before you contradict an old man, my fair friend, you should endeavor to understand him. “” George Santayana

---

CHERRIL DOTY

is a creative living coach, writer and artist who lives and works in Laguna Beach. She can be reached at [email protected] or by phone at (949) 251-3883.