WHAT’S SO FUNNY:Where didn’t we go wrong?

A few weeks ago we observed our 20th wedding anniversary — I was here in Laguna and Patti Jo was in Tucson, where she had gone to attend a gem show. I sent her flowers and she sent me flowers.

This makes it sound as if the key to our longevity is separate maintenance, but we generally live together.

Of course, 20 years isn’t a record — or even close — but it’s long enough to impress Patti Jo and me. As we understand it, 20 years makes the marriage an official success; we can split up anytime now and still have a winning record.

It doesn’t really seem that long. The time has gone by in a kind of haze.

“It’s like a dream,” Patti Jo says, which as we all know could mean a lot of things.

I’m not used to people asking me, “What’s your secret?” but a few have been impressed by our achievement and I thought I might help others to pass on some of the reasons we think we’ve stayed together this long.

For one thing, it’s been a Laguna Beach marriage. I moved here in 1986 and in 1987 we were wed at the Congregational church on Glenneyre. We’ve lived here ever since. If we broke up, one of us would probably feel impelled to leave town and who’s that going to be?

Also, during the critical early years of our marriage, Patti Jo kept on the lookout for signs of a dwindling relationship. She used to monitor our behavior toward each other, for signs of these signs. After a few years she stopped doing it — which is probably a sign of a dwindling relationship. But we’ve kept on anyway.

As we went along we found that we disagree on a lot of little things but we think similarly on the big things — like politics, religion and that sculpture in front of the police station.

Our fights are civilized; in fact we rarely argue because it hurts our feelings. We usually make our points via the family dog, as in, “You wouldn’t turn on CNN while Dad was trying to sleep, would you, Booker?”

When we do find ourselves using a direct address we stick to the classics, like “You knew what I was like when you married me,” and my childhood favorite, “I know you are — but what am I?”

In my lucid moments I know I’m lucky to be with Patti Jo, but I’m not entirely sure why she has stayed with me. It may be because I haven’t aged — except, of course, physically. Also, she’s not a quitter. I think that’s worked to my advantage a time or two.

So in sum, I recommend that you get married here in town, do your whining to the dog and find someone who hates to give up, and you too can mystify the people who came to the wedding and gave it 18 months.