FAIR GAME:Some heavy-hitting New Year’s resolutions

Well, we’re five days into the New Year, and all my attempts at resolutions have either been broken or altered. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying, but so far I’ve found good excuses to get around them all.

At the top of the list this year was to eat better and work out more — or in my case, some.

My idea in the past for exercise was getting up off the couch to change the TV station, rather than just using the remote. Or better yet, playing golf with an electric cart. Now that’s a real workout. I’ll even tip the guy at the bag drop to take my clubs in and out of the car and put them on the cart.

My wife told me that in the new year, those forms of “exercise” won’t count.

At home, one of my favorite lines is the always-popular “Honey, while you’re up would you get me” you fill in the blank.

Guys know this line. Sometimes we’ll wait 30 minutes or more lying still on the couch waiting for the wife to get up. Even if we’re real, real thirsty. It just makes sense in a guy kind of way.

So it got me thinking during the holidays about the perfect gift for the wife.

I talked to one friend of mine and he got his wife a beautiful gold watch. Another bought his wife a set of diamond earrings — big diamonds. Another one, can you say “Lexus”?

You know, sometimes it’s just hard to compete.

I decided to go a different path with the always-popular heavy bag.

A heavy bag, you ask. Not just any heavy bag, but for you boxing enthusiasts an Everlast heavy bag.

If you saw the movie “Million Dollar Baby,” then you couldn’t miss Hillary Swank beating on one throughout it.

Although my wife didn’t show an overwhelming amount of excitement when she opened the gift, I just figured she was suppressing her true feelings. After all, I ask you, who wouldn’t want a heavy bag?

The boxing gloves and the tape for her hands were just icing on the cake. Can you say “true love”?

Well, so far, neither can she. But I think time is on my side.

The only thing holding up the installation of the new boxing gym has been an unorganized, junk-filled garage. This happens to be another one of my New Year’s resolutions.

My plan is to get there this weekend with a garage sale.

A garage sale is where you put your junk out in the front of your house hoping someone else will come by and for a small price take your junk to their garage.

Then, with the garage cleaned out and organized, the bag up for some good old fashioned exercise, I’ll be nearly home.

That’ll just mean eating better.

Put me down for a Big Mac and some fries.

Actually, on good days my diet includes a couple of Wahoo’s fish tacos. You know, with the Cajun white beans and rice.

It doesn’t get much better than that.

But gone in the interim are the Philly cheesesteaks, the Haagen-Dazs ice cream and the sour cream wontons with the Chinese food. No more cheesecake or pieces of pie with dessert.

My goal is 20 pounds in 2007.

As for the heavy bag, I find it odd that my wife has attached a picture of my face to it.

Happy New Year, honey!