I’ve been living a lie

I have pointed out several times that one sign of integrity is admitting a mistake and moving on. Now it is my turn to admit a serious mistake.

Ask regular readers of this column what three things they remember most over the years, and one of them will probably be, “He doesn’t watch television.” Today, however, I must admit that that is false. No, worse than that, to be perfectly honest, it is a lie ? a lie I have been living for more than 10 years.

I started out in January 1996 with good intentions. Having just returned from a weeklong business trip, I told my wife as I was reaching for the remote control that I had not watched TV in a week. “Neither have I,” she said. “Let’s leave it off.”

It sounded good at the time. It sounded like the right thing to do, something that fit with our young family. But what I discovered after only a few days is that television is a powerful addictive, one that I could not overcome. I was too weak.

A few days after I made the pact with my wife, I used insomnia as an excuse to watch TV at about 3 a.m. each morning. I’d go downstairs and use a pair of wireless headphones to watch the TV I had been discreetly taping all day, or I would watch infomercials, all-night news or reruns. It didn’t really matter as long as I was getting my fix.

My wife thought I was working.

Along the way, I have gone as far as buying one of those hand-held televisions with a 2-inch screen, which I hid in my car and would watch whenever I had the chance.

And in 2002, when we moved into our new home, I went off the deep end and had one of those 18-inch satellite dishes installed inside a broken evaporative cooling unit that was left on the roof by the former owners. I took out the guts and had the satellite installer put it inside.

But the biggest lie I have been living involves you and my family.

Over the years, my claims of no TV have come to symbolize something special to my family and to parts of the community, something that was quite meaningful. In a society that craves information and constant motion, I was the guy who shut it all off, the guy who quit TV cold turkey and lived to tell about it.

Oh, but I did not just tell about it, I crowed. I went to schools to talk to PTAs about the benefits of a TV-free home. Teachers allowed me in their classrooms and trusted me with this message in front of their kids.

I went on TV myself to talk about not watching TV. I wrote countless articles and columns about it.

I was lying.

I am confessing now because a week ago, someone whose name you would recognize discovered my secret. He is not blackmailing me and would never reveal my secret unless tortured. But the fact that he knows, or that anyone knows, is too much of a burden to carry. It was tough keeping the secret before he knew, and it would be doubly tough after he found out.

That is, unless I do what I am now doing.

I realize that I have brought shame to my family and even to the editors of this newspaper, who have trusted for years that I was this quirky guy with a different angle on events ? one that was different from the version everyone was getting from TV’s talking heads.

But I am not that quirky guy. I am as weak as everyone else who has to watch the tube each day.

Accountability is crucial, and I hold myself accountable for the lie I have kept for ten years. It is with a heavy heart, therefore, that I must tell you that this column on April 1, 2006, is my last column for the Daily Pilot. To continue on as a contributor, even if I did have a choice, would not be the right thing to do.

I am truly sorry for the deception, and I ask your forgiveness.

My personal philosophy forces me to perform some penance to atone for my lies. I have decided, therefore, that I will write a book about this whole experience.

My agent has already sent out some feelers, and she is certain that at least two major New York publishers would be interested and that a movie is not far behind.

Thank you for reading all these years. Goodbye.