Beware the fried avocado

I was told this was a bad idea.

I thought it would be fun to sample some of the food sold at the

Orange County Fair and do a little write-up. One of my co-workers

said the result would be “trite.” Another cautioned that not only had

someone else written a similar story last year, but that author

worked for a competing publication.

Perhaps the comment I should have heeded came from the writer who

sits across from me at Daily Pilot headquarters. She accused me of

having a “beer belly.” She wasn’t talking about my idea -- she just

felt like describing the shape of my stomach.

Oh well. I figured I could manage to avoid being trite and

unoriginal. As far as the third charge goes, I admit that I’m rounder

than I was a few years ago, and that I should eat healthier food, but

I doubt beer is the culprit. I blame the easy availability of waffles

and cinnamon rolls at UCLA’s dining halls. That’s right, Newport

Beach, a Bruin covers your town.

I decided to take a survey of the fair’s culinary side Saturday,

since I would be working there anyway. I figured I could hit the

assorted food stands between stops to work on features about piglets

and Rubik’s Cube fans. I skipped breakfast to leave as much room for

fair snacks as possible. Another part of my strategy was to limit the

fried food. A heart attack would probably cause me to miss my

deadline.

My first stop, around 10:45 a.m., was at Jeanne’s Artichokes.

Deep-fried artichoke hearts may not be a traditional morning meal.

With my commute, breakfast can mean a small bag of chips and

Coca-Cola for caffeine. The artichokes were better, hot with not too

much grease. The crispy coating was light enough that I could still

taste the mellow artichoke flavor. Off to check out the pigs.

No surprises in the Maternity Barn. As expected, the piglets were

pink, small and hungry. I was still hungry too, so I headed to the

cluster of barbecue booths near the center of the fair. My selection,

from Texas Style BBQ, was a beef brisket sandwich and a glass of

lemonade. I was two-for-two: The brisket had a nice smoky taste, and

lemonade is almost always good. The only problem: I was getting full.

I moved on to the Rubik’s Cube fans, who informed me that solving

the colorful puzzle is based on an algorithm. Simple.

Next was another snack. At this point, anything involving large

quantities of meat, dough or butter seemed pretty gross, so I picked

what looked to be the healthiest selection at the fairgrounds --

grilled corn on the cob. I enjoyed it, but the additional food made

me feel a little sloooower.

I decided to get a few more piglet-related quotes to round out my

feature and finish the day with only one more meal. I could have

tried more food, but -- to paraphrase the only U.S. president who was

born and buried in Orange County -- that would be stupid.

The last stop was the Baja Blues restaurant for a deep-fried

avocado stuffed with carne asada. By this time, I was paying the

price for gluttony, and finding room for more food was kind of a

chore. I’m sure it tasted good, but by that point I just couldn’t

tell.

I brought most of the avocado and carne asada back to the office

so I could eat while I typed up my articles. After an hour or so, I

was able to finish my plate.

I skipped dinner.