Life’s not fair outside of Newport

Some of you may absolutely shudder at the thought that I was asked to

speak to a bunch of blossoming youth last week, but don’t worry, it

wasn’t in your city. I spoke Thursday at Career Day for Muscatel

Middle School in Rosemead, a city east of Los Angeles, just west of

El Monte and miles away from Newport-Mesa.

Oddly enough, it was the anonymous voice of a not-so-happy Daily

Pilot reader from Newport Beach that kept playing in my head as I

talked to these kids. She had left me a voice mail on Wednesday about

my “whiny” affordable housing column and basically told me to suck it

up. An unwed mother simply cannot afford to live in Newport Beach,

she pointed out.

“That’s life, sweetie,” the mature female voice told me.

While I don’t necessarily agree with her, she reminded me of

something I already knew -- life is not fair.

I guess while living in the mecca of Southern California, where

nary a care is wasted on such things as putting food on the table, I

began to believe that I too was entitled to all the luxuries of my

neighbors. Reality reminds me that I was raised by a single mother,

do not come from money and don’t plan to marry money, so I can’t

expect that oceanfront home anytime soon.

I have to play the hand life has dealt me, and that is what I

wanted to relate to those Rosemead students.

My best friend, Heather, the same broke teacher I wrote about last

week, who will also never own a home in Southern California, invited

me to career day at her school. Although I had had a child out of

wedlock (which some people try to convince me is an evil thing) and

chose a career that pays less than what it cost for a year of

college, she still thought I would make a good speaker.

“You are a Latina and you graduated from college regardless of the

roadblocks,” Heather listed as the reasons for my invitation.

(She must have forgotten to mention that I am a fabulous public

speaker.)

I spent the morning talking to large groups of public school

children -- some of whom could not understand all the words that came

out of my mouth -- about the possibilities life holds for them if

they educate themselves, stay true to themselves and work hard. I

felt like a walking after-school special, but I meant every word I

said.

I didn’t lie to these children, or blow smoke up their blue plaid

uniforms. I could not stand in front of these kids -- who must work

after-school jobs to support the family, or whose parents are drug

addicts or gang members or ex-cons -- and tell them life would be

peachy as long as they did all their homework and ate their

vegetables.

The problem with these kids is they don’t believe they have even a

chance to level the playing field. Many of these kids said they have

no control over their future, and for many of them, their teachers

were the only college graduates they knew.

During our briefing before career day began, the school principal

told us, “We just want our kids to realize that college is a

possibility for them.”

It was a strange realization for me to even think a college

education was not an option, because ever since I can remember, I

knew I was going to college. Even in the eighth grade, my math

teacher told us the most prestigious universities looked as far back

as middle school when evaluating applications.

In my pre-algebra class at Lakeside Middle School in Irvine, that

was all we needed to hear to make us pay attention. There wasn’t one

of us who didn’t hope to make the Ivy League cut.

Just as I adopted the attitude of success being bred at my school,

many of these kids have been convinced they too ought to have the

quality of life that surrounds them. They are wrong.

Yes, they will have to work harder than a Corona del Mar student

to get into college. Not because they aren’t as smart, but because

their property taxes don’t bring in enough money to finance extra

faculty to teach advanced placement classes. And their parents don’t

make enough money to hire private tutors, nor can their parents call

up an old college buddy to put in a good recommendation with the Yale

review board.

Yes, the Muscatel kid will have to find a way to juggle an

after-school job, baby-sitting younger siblings and studying if they

want to get good grades. And yes, these kids will go straight to jail

if they get caught with even the smallest amount of drugs because

their parents don’t have the money to hire a high-priced lawyer to

get them off with community service.

Is it necessarily fair? No, but neither is life. No point in

whining about it.

As much as I think it is important for the Rosemead children to

lean toward presumptions of success that are so common in

Newport-Mesa, I think it is important for us to at least understand

the challenges of those around us.

Regardless of the hand they were dealt in life, there is always to

opportunity to advance. And when they do, they will be the peers of

Newport Harbor, Estancia, Corona del Mar and Costa Mesa high school

graduates.

While it is more convenient, and frankly, less depressing to stay

isolated in paradise, it is important to understand where our future

colleagues, in-laws, partners or medical professionals have gone

through to get where they are.

And no, the less fortunate don’t deserve an extra pat on the back

or a fatter pay check because they have tackled more obstacles.

Parents who have been able to provide their children with luxuries

that come along with living in Newport-Mesa should be congratulated.

They have succeeded in the ultimate goal of parenting: to make a good

life for their children.

Perhaps some Rosemead parents were not able to afford a house in

Newport Beach and were therefore not able to send their children to

the best public schools. Too many Rosemead children have already

witnessed more tragedy in their 12 years than I, thankfully, will see

in my life. But if parents and educators continue to instill in them

hope for a better life, perhaps they could go real estate shopping

along the Pacific.

They too needed to understand that they were not destined to the

lifestyle around them, so I shared with them the words of a wise

Newport Beach resident.

“That’s life.”

* LOLITA HARPER writes columns Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays

and covers culture and the arts. She may be reached at (949) 574-4275

or by e-mail at [email protected].