Love should be recognized every day

“God doesn’t remember my mistakes. For all the things he does do,

this is one thing he refuses to do. He refuses to keep a list of my

wrongs. When I ask for forgiveness, he doesn’t pull out a clipboard

and say, ‘But I’ve already forgiven him for that 516 times.’ He

doesn’t remember.”

-- MAX LUCADO

Friday was Valentine’s Day. It may have been a fulfilling day of

flowers, cards, candy and greetings from people who love you. For

others, Friday may have brought up old wounds, and ended up being a

day filled with more pain than pleasantries. It was probably a day

when many people hoped to receive a letter of love from someone

special.

I heard a woman talk about two different letters she wrote to an

estranged family member. She is from a large family, but has little

contact with them, partially because she moved west with her husband

and children while the rest of the family remained on the East Coast.

But the bigger reason is that they have little in common.

In the first letter, the woman wrote that she felt like she and

her sister were sadly repeating old family patterns of anger,

judgment, criticism, envy, bitterness and resentment. The woman wrote

to her sister about her disappointment that her sister verbally

attacked her and ruined a family reunion.

The first letter was one she felt justified to write, but she

sensed that God did not want her to send it, so she didn’t. Reading

it over later, she realized it was a letter she’d written out of

anger.

Months later, this woman felt called to write another letter to

her sister. This time it was a letter of love and forgiveness.

“I have been wanting to write you for a very long time now, but

have not done so. I’m not really sure why,” she wrote. “I think it is

from a mixture of fear and pain avoidance. But I have been convinced

lately that I must face into my fear, stop distancing myself and be

direct with you as well as other family members.

“I have learned that God wants us to show his love for the world,”

the letter continued. “He wants us to forgive each other just as he

forgives us. God wants our lives to be characterized by love, joy,

peace, patience, kindness, goodness, patience, gentleness,

faithfulness and self-control. I realize that these were not the

qualities instilled in me growing up. Although the qualities of hard

work, honesty and integrity, that I feel were most important in our

family, are good values. I have learned that without the qualities

God views as most important, my life is rather empty. My faith has

grown since I have tried to live my life according to God’s values.”

The letter concluded with an apology on the woman’s part and a

prayer for peace and reconciliation. I’ve since learned that the

sister’s response was one of love and forgiveness, as well. Can you

imagine the result if the woman had sent the first letter and not the

second?

Valentine’s Day may only come once a year, but the opportunities

for letters of love and forgiveness come each and every day of the

year.

And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached by e-mail at

[email protected] or through the mail at P.O. Box 6140-No. 505,

Newport Beach, CA 92658.