CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON -- The Moral of the Story

“We should behave to our friends as we would wish our friends to

behave to us.”

-- Aristotle

I answered the phone and recognized my friend’s voice, though she

didn’t sound like herself.

“Cindy, your friendship means too much to me to not talk about

something that’s bothering me,” she said. “But I’d rather talk to you

about it in person, are you free tomorrow?”

I changed plans so we could have lunch. Needless to say I was curious.

I wondered if it was something I said or didn’t say, or something I did

or didn’t do. I prayed that God would help us resolve the issue.

When we met, she hugged me and thanked me for rearranging my schedule.

“Your friendship is worth it. How can I help?” I asked.

“Let’s order first,” she said, so we did.

Then she cleared her throat and began, “You said something to me

awhile back that really hurt my feelings, and I realized it was putting

distance between us. I don’t want that.”

“Obviously, I don’t either. Please keep talking,” I answered.

Her eyes filled with tears while she talked. Then she wiped her eyes

with her napkin and looked back at me.

“I’m really glad you told me so we can clear it up.” I said. “I

remembered the conversation, or rather, hearing about the conversation.

I’m more than willing to apologize for anything I said wrong, and I’m

certainly capable of messing up, but I’m a bit confused on this one.

“I remember exactly where we were when you told me that another woman

made that comment to you. You said you’d gone away with some new friends

for the weekend.”

She stopped me before I finished.

“Oh, I’m so embarrassed, Cindy. I didn’t think it sounded like you,

but I’ve been such an emotional wreck lately, and when I tried to replay

the conversation, the only face I could picture was yours. But you’re

right, now I remember that trip and it wasn’t you at all.

“Please forgive me. What if I’d held you responsible for something you

didn’t even do?”

“Of course I forgive you. I’m just so glad you said something. I’m

sure many relationships are strained due to miscommunication. This was a

great reminder to stay current with each other,” I said.

We enjoyed lunch, and I told her about a fun bike trip I was on with

10 women several years ago in Northern California. We were good friends

and we started our days with prayer, but one friend named Susan realized

that there is always potential for misunderstanding.

One evening after a delightful day together, Susan asked a question

that is now a classic in our group. She looked around at everybody and

said, “OK, I just need to ask if I’ve offended anybody or if I owe

anybody any money?”

After we stopped laughing she said, “Well, you never know with this

many of us, I could hurt somebody and not even know it. I just want to

keep my slate clean.”

Susan’s question reappears often on bike rides. But the truth is, her

wisdom doesn’t only apply to occasional biking, but to everyday living.

And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at o7

[email protected] or through the mail at P.O. Box 6140-No. 505,

Newport Beach, CA 92658.