Sticking up for culinary delights

Alex Coolman

The fundamental principle of fair food, as everyone knows, is the

golden axiom that Anything Can Be Deep-Fried.

However, there is a secondary principle, also very important, that

should not be overlooked when considering dining at the Orange County

Fair.

That rule runs as follows: All Deep-Fried Things Can Be Eaten On A

Stick.

The stick is a crucial yet easily overlooked element in fair cuisine.

Seemingly inconsequential, sticks are in fact responsible for allowing

fair-goers to eat while walking around and waiting for the pig races to

start.

Without them, the fair would be a less vivid, less delicious

experience.

Many foods are available on sticks at the fair, including standbys

such as candied and caramel apples, teriyaki chicken, corn dogs and

frozen, chocolate-dipped bananas. For good reason, these foods have

become a crucial part of the fair-going experience.

Capistrano Beach residents Scott and April Pipher say they eat corn

dogs every time they visit the fair. On a recent afternoon, they had

small paper baskets brimming with the dogs to back up their statement.

“It’s the convenience of being able to throw it away” when you’re done

eating, April explained.

But the stick transcends mere convenience. It provides a more

visceral, more intimate dining experience than could be obtained via

fork.

On a stick, something like one of the massive, skewered egg rolls from

Pon’s Chinese Food stand takes on an almost overwhelming richness, its

greasy odors tickling the diner’s nostrils at close range.

Consuming such foods makes one wish more types of dining could be

pursued in this manner. It’s a shame, for example, that it’s impossible

to have beer on a stick, tortellini on a stick, or skewered mashed

potatoes.

The fair does, however, offer pizza on a stick (it costs a quarter

more than a regular slice, and doesn’t actually look that good), and the

most exciting option of all: cheesecake on a stick.

“They’re pretty good,” said Jeff Dressendorfer, the youth selling the

dark-brown, chocolate-dipped wedges of frozen cheesecake. “But they’re

really messy.”

The cheesecake, needless to say, is not deep-fried. However, it is,

like all proper fair food, very fatty and bad for you. It is a skewered

specimen of nutrition gone awry, a slice of culinary eccentricity perched

proud upon a stick.