ROBERT GARDNER -- The Verdict

The recent picture of a couple of dead whales being buried in the sand at

Seal Beach reminded me of Bob Reed’s whale.

Many years ago, a dead whale washed ashore next to the Newport Pier. This

was a big whale, Moby Dick’s big brother. It made those two dead whales

at Seal Beach look like minnows.

Well, while the rest of us just looked at the big dead whale and the city

began to figure just how to get rid of it, Bob Reed, a local businessman,

got a bright idea. The dead whale was just rolling around in the surf, so

Bob received permission from the city to get rid of it.

First, he hired a big tractor and pulled the whale up on the sand all the

way to the boardwalk. Then he rented a huge circus tent, put it over the

whale and charged admission to look at the monster -- 50 cents for adults

and 25 cents for children.

None of the locals went inside the tent. We had already seen the whale.

However, people from out of town flocked to see the “monster of the

deep,’ as Bob’s sign described the whale.

Then the whale began to stink, and people who had paid money to go inside

wanted their money back when they began to gag. So the city told Bob to

get rid of his whale. Easier said than done.

Bob hired the same tractor that had pulled the whale up on the sand to

pull it out into the ocean. No way. The whale had decomposed to the

extent that it fell apart with every tug. Finally, Bob spent many times

more than he made from selling tickets to have the monster cut up into

chunks and taken some place where they charged Bob even more to get rid

of them.

The moral of this story is that if you see a dead whale on the beach just

walk away. Don’t get any crazy ideas of going into business with the

carcass.

Dead whales do present a problem.

When we we were in American Samoa, a dead whale washed onto the reef near

a village. Now in American Samoa, there isn’t enough sand to cover a dead

dog let alone a dead whale. So the village hired a local fisherman to tow

the animal out to sea. Unfortunately, it just washed ashore again.

The villagers tried to burn the whale, but while whale oil is flammable,

plain old dead whale is not. So they hired the fisherman to take him

farther out to sea. No soap. The carcass just washed ashore at the same

place. Apparently dead whales have favorite places to go.

When we left the islands, the villagers were still holding their

respective noses, and the whale was still there.

All of which reminds me of the lady in American Samoa who tried to have

her husband buried at sea, only to have him wash ashore. But that’s

another story.