COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES -- peter buffa

We need to do it. The time has come. Now that the millennium that isn’t

has arrived, and Y2K has turned out to be Y2Yawn, it is time to put aside

childish things. We need to take stock of ourselves and our world as we

cautiously draw back the curtain of time and step through the portal of

the 21st century.

What will Newport-Mesa and Orange County look like in 50 or 100 years?

What will our children and their children and their children’s children

(all right, already), think of the legacy left them by the people the

20th century?

Given my limited intellect (smarter than a squirrel, but not quite as

bright as a Jack Russell), I posed the question to the best and the

brightest I could find -- prominent academics, scientists, business

leaders, urban planners and futurists from across the county and the

nation.

I didn’t hear from any of them, of course, but I did pick up some

interesting stuff from Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Friends Network and a

night clerk at a mini-mart on Newport Boulevard. Remember, you heard it

here first.

Between now and 2020, nothing happens. Everything remains exactly as it

is today. Strange. No one knows why. One of the Psychic Friends said it

had something to do with global warming or, but her “signal” was breaking

up. Oddly enough, that happened every time I ran out of quarters.

Alan Greenspan is still chairman of the Federal Reserve, Juan Antonio

Samaranch refuses to step down as president of the International Olympic

Committee, and Sid is still in Vegas. Sid returns to Costa Mesa in 2026,

by the way, and gets elected to the U.S. Senate in 2028.

The hot issue on the November 2020 ballot is “Proposition 1004” from El

Toro airport opponents who just want to make sure the previous eight

pro-airport decisions from Orange County voters really meant “yes.”

Within months of the defeat of Prop. 1004, however, things turn ugly when

the South County cities somehow get hold of a nuclear weapon.

By 2050, Newport-Mesa and Orange County are transformed. Personal

vehicles have been banned since 2035. As you step outside, you use your

thought transponder to call a fully automated PTP (Personal Transporter

Pod). No charge for two- or four-passenger pods, two voules (about 40

cents) for a six-passenger pod. Streets, freeways and toll roads have all

been converted into magnetic levitation guideways that carry PTPs and CPs

(Commercial Pods) at speeds of up to 250 mph without making a sound.

You can make it to Vegas for dinner and a show and get back home within

five hours, and for less than a buck. Or, grab your skis and your boots

and you can be on the slopes at Mammoth in 90 minutes. Incredible.

Everyone loves the system, except the Register. They think it’s a liberal

boondoggle.

By 2070, transportation really goes high-tech. The El Toro International

Space Port is in full operation, although NASA still couldn’t hit water

if it fell out of a boat on Lake Superior. Land within 15 miles of the

Space Port sells for $75,000 a square foot, but a few South County

officials vow to shut it down and are busy drafting Prop. 1342 to see if

the 28 pro-airport votes since the late 20th century really meant “yes.”

Telephones, televisions and radios are now a thing of the past. Newborn

babies are equipped with microscopic “media chips” in their ear lobes. As

soon as they can talk, they learn to blink once for telephone service and

three times for high-definition television, which appears as a

see-through screen on their corneas.

Companies can call themselves anything they want, but if they’re caught

using anything “dot-com,” it’s a mandatory life sentence.

In 2072, the Yankees win their 15th Milky Way Series by default, when the

Alpha Centauri Stars try to put in a reliever with six arms.

In 2080, the national media goes nuts when a “reality store” opens in

Newport Beach -- a building where you can choose from a variety of items,

touch them with your hands and actually take them with you -- assuming

you have the voules.

In 2091, a 9.3-magnitude earthquake flip flops Newport Beach and Costa

Mesa, but a tsunami in 2094 flips them back. Incredibly, no one is killed

in either incident.

By 2094, there are no governments left as we know them. The world is run

from six Web sites -- Food, Transportation, Health & Science,

Communications and Recreation & Culture.com, all of which report to

Amazon.com, which has yet to make a profit. In 2095, a global 24-hour

cable network is formed (just blink twice) to market official millennium

products during the five years until the Third Millennium, which starts,

of course, on January 1, 3000.

So there you have it. Remember, these are just predictions. And, as Yogi

Berra said, “It’s really hard to make predictions, especially when

they’re about the future.” I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Fridays.

E-mail him at o7 [email protected] .