The real Hollywood 101
Navigating Profound Weight Loss: If your donor suddenly loses an enormous amount of weight feel free to ask how he did it. The answer will probably be “exercise and changing up my diet.” The real answer might be stomach staples or something you really don’t want to know about. Smile politely and change the subject ASAP. (Carlo Allegri / AP)
Rehab Cures All: ItÂ’s not just for drug addicts anymore. Is your star a raging homophobe? An anti-Semite? This is not nearly as big a problem as you might think. A tearful press release and a month at Promises Malibu will take care of it. (Ronaldo Schemidt AFP/Getty Images)
The Many Meanings of “Sick”: Sometimes “I can’t come to work today because I have appendicitis,” means, “I’m having a surgery to remove my inflamed appendix.” Sometimes it means, “I –‘ed too much last night and I don’t feel like making movies today.” (Frazer Harrison / Getty Images)
What “Yes” Means: In other businesses, your word is your bond. In Hollywood, your word is something you use to fill up the dead space until your yellowtail roll arrives. When a Hollywood donor tells you, “Yes. Absolutely. You can count on me!” what they mean is “Lemme look into that. I gotta see if my deal’s getting re-upped and the construction bill on our new second story is getting out of control. My people have your number right?” (Ricardo DeAratanha / LAT)
Advertisement
Expect to See More Actors in Politics. Actors may not as a whole make up the sharpest box of pencils, but they’ve learned over the years that if it walks like a politician and talks like a politician then the American public will vote for it and walking and talking like politicians is no problem for them—they’re actors! (Robert Durell / LAT)
