D.C.'s self-help solution

D.C.’s self-help solution

By Bill Persky and Bruce Kluger

March 14, 2010 12 AM PT

After a year of contentious infighting, bitter feuds and stalled legislation, President Obama has taken a new tack in his attempt to achieve bipartisanship on Capitol Hill: forcing face-to-face negotiations with his staunchest critics.

Since January, Obama has convened his political foes in a variety of settings, trying to persuade even one Republican to cross over, but to no avail.

Still, if Washington is serious about healing its divisions, perhaps there’s an easier solution. Maybe if the president and his enemies met at a well-stocked bookstore in D.C. and simply read the titles to one another -- in the “self help” aisle and a few neighboring shelves -- they could finally find a way “to dialogue.”

President Obama: “Let’s Start Talking.”

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.): “No” “I Don’t Want to Talk About It.”

Obama: “What Does That Mean?” “Focus on the Positive.” “Have a Little Faith.” “You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought.”

McConnell: “Yes I Can.”

Obama: “Don’t Be So Defensive.” “Why Can’t We Get Along?”

Rep. John A. Boehner (R-Ohio): “Now, That’s a Good Question.”

Obama: “Come On, People.” “Let’s Get Real or Let’s Not Play.” “What’s the Bottom Line?” “What’s Making You Angry?”

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.): “I’m Not Mad, I Just Hate You!”

Obama: “Are You Kidding Me?” “What Did I Do Wrong?”

Sen. Olympia J. Snowe (R-Maine): “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Obama: “I Hear You, But...” “We’re All in This Together.” “How Can I Get Through to You?” “What Can I Do To Help?”

McConnell: “Quit Your Job and Move to Key West.”

Obama: “Not a Chance.” “Nothing’s Impossible.” “Everything Is Negotiable.”

Snowe: “Maybe Yes, Maybe No.”

Obama: “Good Grief.” “Are You Really Listening?” “What’s Eating You?” “What Are Your Goals”?

Boehner: “Telling Lies.” “Playing Dirty.” “Whining.”

Obama: “That’s Not What I Meant!” “Help Me Understand.” “What’s the Big Secret?”

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.): “I Am Right, You Are Wrong.”

Obama: “Who Said So?”

Lieberman: “My Mother Always Used to Say.”

Snowe: “Don’t Blame Mother!”

Obama: “How Can I Get Through to You?” “What Do You Want From Me?”

Lieberman: “I Want More of Everything.” “I Want it Now.”

Obama: “Stop, You’re Driving Me Crazy!” “Why Is It Always About You?”

Lieberman: “My Mother Always Used to Say That Too.”

Snowe: “Stop Obsessing!”

Lieberman: “Mind Your Own Business.”

Obama: “Calm Down!” “Tell Me the Truth” “What Do You Really Want?”

Snowe: “I Want To Change But I Don’t Know How.”

Obama: “That’s a Great Answer.” “Stop Being Manipulated.” “Be Yourself.” “You’re Gonna Make It.”

Snowe: “How Do You Know?”

Obama: “Trust Me.

Boehner: “Uh-Oh.”

Obama: “The Choice Is Yours.” “Let Yourself Go.”

Snowe: “Could It Be This Simple?”

Obama: “Life Is Simple.” “Fear No More.” “You Can Be Happy No Matter What.”

Snowe: “I Think I Can, I Know I Can.”

McConnell(to Snowe): “Girlfriend Please! Snap Out of It! He’s Not Worth It!”

Snowe: “But I Love Him.”

Obama: “Yes!”

Boehner: “Uh-Oh.”

Obama: “I Love My Job!” “Yes We Can.”

McCain: “I Hate Your Guts.”

Bill Persky is a producer-writer-director whose credits include “The Dick Van Dyke Show,” “That Girl” and “Kate and Allie.” Bruce Kluger writes for USA Today and National Public Radio.

D.C.’s self-help solution

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