We’ll wash our hands of this story

The genteel world of chess spun out of control at the world championship final in recent days in Elista, Russia, with finger-pointing and accusations flying, closely resembling a normal week in the NFL.

Whatever happened to the gentleman’s game?

Well, too many visits to the Gents room, it seems.

A representative of Bulgarian grandmaster Veselin Topalov fired off a written complaint to officials, citing numerous bathroom breaks by his Russian opponent, Vladimir Kramnik, and using the word “suspicious� to describe his repeated activity.

Organizers decided to shut down the toilets in the players’ bathrooms and opened another that will be available only to the two players. This did not sit well with Vlad’s people, according to a letter to officials on Friday that was obtained by chessbase.com:

“The reasons that Mr. Kramnik is entering his own bathroom often is simple: The restroom is small and Mr. Kramnik likes to walk and therefore uses the space of the bathroom as well. It should also be mentioned that Mr. Kramnik has to drink a lot of water during the games.�

Kramnik refused to play Game 5 under the new conditions and forfeited Friday. Pictures on chessbase.com showed Topalov sitting alone at the table, mulling the chess board.

If they ever make a movie about Kramnik-Topalov, it could be called: “Searching for Bobby Fischer in the Water Closet.�

Trivia time

How many U.S. championships did Fischer win?

What’s the frequency, fellas?

Dick Pound of the World Anti-Doping Agency doesn’t need to be on the case at chess venues. But officials at chess tournaments have been on the lookout for other methods of illegal assistance.

Two players were expelled from a tournament earlier this year in Philadelphia when officials suspected them of receiving outside assistance.

One was found to be using a tiny wireless earpiece and offered the defense that it was a hearing aid.

Line in the gridiron

Coach Dave Cadelina of Bridgeport (Conn.) Central High was suspended when his football team defeated cross-town rival Bassick, 56-0, thereby violating the state’s new policy against running up the score, winning by more than 50 points.

But cooler heads prevailed -- after all, the teams had agreed to a running clock when it became clear it was no contest -- and Cadelina’s suspension was lifted last week.

Still, fallout from the new rule and incident reverberated in local circles.

“We are officially the laughingstock of the sports world,� wrote Sean Patrick Bowley of the Connecticut Post. “We are America’s punch line. Why? Because we don’t know what we’re doing.�

Six degrees of Heisman

Here’s something to ponder if conversation lags at the next dinner party: the Toronto Argonauts’ scary link to the Heisman.

Not only were two former Heisman Trophy winners on the team’s disabled list at the same time this year -- Ricky Williams (1998) and Eric Crouch (2001) -- but there was quarterback Damon Allen on the roster as well as Mike Bishop.

Allen’s brother Marcus, of course, won the Heisman in 1981 and Bishop finished second in the Heisman voting in 1998 to none other than Williams. Yeah, just your ordinary old CFL team.

Trivia answer

Eight. In fact, Fischer went eight for eight.

And finally

Fischer’s famous quote on dismissing the influence of mind games in his sport: “I don’t believe in psychology. I believe in good moves.�

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