The Rap on Shaq? His Singing Comes Up Short

Ex-Laker Shaquille O’Neal may be winning with his new Miami Heat team, but if it’s any consolation to Kobe Bryant fans, Shaq’s career as a rap singer has been anything but a slam dunk.

Spin magazine, in its “75 Lists of Rock’s Good, Bad, and Ugly,� put the big fellow No. 1 in the “Ugly� category of “Seven Professional Athletes Who Tried to Make It as Musicians.�

It’s not the first recognition of this type for Shaq. Sports Illustrated also had him No. 1 on its list of “Sports-to-Entertainment Flops,� commenting, “Why do athletes assume they can sing and rap?� Which brings to mind the story that comic Craig Kilborn told about the time Shaq assisted in an arrest while working as a reserve police officer here.

Kilborn quipped that the suspect “apparently dropped his gun when Shaq yelled, ‘Stop or I’ll rap!’ �

Spinning out of control: Several others on Spin’s athletes-who-perform-ugly-music list include ex-Dodger pitcher Scott Radinsky of the punk band Pulley, ex-Angel pitcher Jack McDowell of the group Stickfigure, and boxer Oscar De La Hoya.

And the list wouldn’t be complete without track star Carl Lewis, whose rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner� before an NBA game was described by one writer as sounding “like a cross between a woman giving birth and a mass slaughter of chickens.� Broadcaster Charlie Steiner added that the anthem must have been written by Francis Off-Key.

Last Saturday’s Mystery of the Day ... : Wasn’t such a mystery to many column readers. Deborah Neikirk, Richard Saputo and Mike Megowan, among countless others, said that “No Entry on Peacetime� means “Emergency Exit Only� (see photo). Wrote Megowan: “My wife, Anne, who was born in Tianjin, was surprised that you hadn’t surmised this from the illustration of the runner fleeing out of the doorway.�

I’m a little slow sometimes.

The weird, weird world of animals: Susan Avallon said of some “Cheetohs� for sale: “I wonder if these are the ‘regular’ or the ‘flamin’ hot crunchy’ ones� (see accompanying).

Unclear on the concept? On a recent trip through the Panama Canal, Jack Dickert of Redondo Beach noticed that a tanker seemed to be disobeying its own no-smoking sign (see photo).

miscelLAny: If the McClure Tunnel in Santa Monica was restricted to vehicles with passengers, and if it then experienced a bad SigAlert, Sid Weiss asks, would its condition be described as Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome?

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at [email protected].