Next Time, He Won’t Use Bullets for Bait

Tournament angler Jim Morton needs to find safer waters in which to cast. He tells Inside B.A.S.S. that he once made an alarming catch while competing on the Arkansas River.

“It fought kind of like a dead stick, and then it started swimming on me,� Morton said. “I asked my partner what I had on there and he peeked over the boat and said, ‘Oh my God, it’s a shotgun.’ �

Good thing there weren’t any triggerfish nearby.

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Trivia time: On this date in 1933, Johnny Goodman became the fifth and last amateur golfer to win the U.S Open. Name the other four.

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Incredible, but true: Baltimore Raven rookie linebacker Tyson Smith, formerly of Iowa State, had his playbook stolen from his mother’s car, and she told the Des Moines Register that, thankfully, nobody was hurt.

“If the person who stole it would have been here when Tyson discovered what happened, I would feel sorry for him,� said Charlie Smith, the mother. “Tyson looked like the Incredible Hulk, he was that mad, then this monster-looking boy turned into a bawling 2-year-old.�

Hence, his new nickname: The Incredible Sulk.

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Better than par: The most consistent money winner on the PGA Tour? Commissioner Tim Finchem is one.

Golf Digest, gleaning from Finchem’s 2004 tax return, reports that he earned $3.8 million in 2003, which would have ranked eighth on the tour. At last check he was a seven handicap.

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Cut to the chase: Former NASCAR driver Dave Marcis is finding life around home more dangerous than it was behind the wheel.

While cutting the grass recently, a large rock flew up from beneath the mower and struck him in the face.

“I told my wife that I need to go back to racing,� he said in Autosport magazine. “This lawn-mowing stuff is dangerous.�

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Zero SPF: Network executives aren’t too happy, but Chicago Tribune columnist Mike Downey is thrilled to see the Pistons and Spurs in the NBA Finals.

“A Suns vs. Heat NBA Finals had me dreading 1,000 ‘hot’ puns a day,� he writes. “Thank goodness (and Tim Duncan) the Spurs put an end to that.�

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Gone fishin’: USC catcher Jeff Clement was asked recently by the Des Moines Register how difficult it was making the transition from farm life in his hometown of Marshalltown, Iowa, to hectic Los Angeles. “I really miss fishing,� he answered.

Well, he hooked into a whopper Tuesday when he was picked third overall by the Seattle Mariners in the amateur draft.

Now the slugger can sit back and reel in one of those big-money contracts -- or let his agent do it.

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Trivia answer: Francis Ouimet in 1913; Jerome D. Travers in 1915; Charles Evans Jr. in 1916, and Bobby Jones in 1923.

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And finally: Dave Barry of the Miami Herald on Shaquille O’Neal: “Watching Shaq try to make a free throw is like watching the president try to complete a sentence.�

Now that’s Bush-league.