Holding the wheel? Hold the mayo too

YOU’VE probably seen the billboards. There are about a dozen scattered around Los Angeles and Orange counties and 21 more in other California metropolitan areas. Each one combines a “just drive� message with a cartoon-like illustration and a warning about activities that some people engage in -- but shouldn’t -- while driving:

Eating.

Talking on a cell phone.

Applying makeup.

My favorite is posted at La Cienega Boulevard, just south of Olympic Boulevard, near Beverly Hills, among other locations. It shows a driver eating a very drippy cheeseburger. Above him are the words: “World’s Riskiest Restaurant.�

The billboards, sponsored by 21st Century Insurance Co. and the California Highway Patrol, are a reminder that a car can be a dangerous weapon, especially if the driver is distracted. (Sudden thought: Which is the greater distraction, a juicy burger or a funny billboard?)

Of course, anything that diverts a driver’s attention can be hazardous. But I have to admit that I’ve been eating while driving for more than 40 years -- accident-free, ticket-free and stain-free -- and I’m not likely to change my habits, billboards notwithstanding.

Given how busy most folks seem -- working long hours, running errands, taking kids to soccer practice and violin lessons -- I know I’m not alone in the movable feast department. That, of course, is why the CHP and the insurance company put those billboards up.

I like to think I drive safely, with or without chow at the ready. I don’t speed or run red lights. I don’t take more than one hand off the wheel at a time. I don’t take my eyes off the road, no matter what. And I don’t eat in my car every day or even every week. I do it often enough, though, that for many years now, I’ve carried an apron in my trunk. That’s why I’m stain-free. I always put the apron on before I start eating.

I’ve been laughed at more than once about that apron.

“What movie role are you auditioning for today?� someone once asked.

On another occasion, when I got out of the car at an In-N-Out drive-through window to put on my apron while waiting for my order, the cashier asked if I wanted to apply for a job.

Have apron, will travel

I started eating in my car out of necessity, when I was a student at UCLA. I’d been lucky enough to land a reporting job while still in school, but my classes ended at 1 p.m., and on Mondays and Wednesdays, I had to be at the newspaper office, in Huntington Park -- more than 20 miles away -- shortly before 2 p.m.

On those days, I would run from the classroom to my car, grab my suit and my sack lunch out of the back seat and race down the San Diego Freeway to the Santa Monica Freeway to the Harbor Freeway to the relevant surface streets, changing clothes and eating lunch as I drove.

My maneuverings behind the wheel earned me any number of odd stares from fellow drivers, especially those who saw me nibbling, bare-chested, between college T-shirt and office dress shirt. (This was in my pre-apron days.) But I was determined to be a journalist if and when I grew up, and this was the only way to get to work, fed, properly attired and ready for my assignment.

Things aren’t quite that urgent these days, but I often find myself hurrying between interviews or racing from an interview back to the office, with no time for lunch. So I revert to my college habits, but with an apron now. (I guess I learned something at UCLA.)

Sandwiches are the easiest edibles, especially if they’re neither too large nor too gooey. I particularly like submarine sandwiches with a light vinegar and oil dressing. Tacos, fried chicken and barbecue ribs are also handy behind-the-wheel fare. I think of them as the best one-hand foods.

Hagerty Classic Insurance of Traverse City, Mich., actually compiled a list last year of what it considers the 10 most dangerous foods to eat while driving.

“We had a report come through on someone trying to collect an insurance claim,� says Sydney McManus, a spokesman for Hagerty, “and we noticed that there was a restraining order against him, preventing him from having any food or drink within his reach while driving. We’d never heard of such a thing, so we decided to do a little informal research.�

Hagerty dispatched several employees to buy various kinds of food, eat them while driving and take note of the attendant risks.

Danger: hot slosh

The research team concluded that coffee was the most dangerous of all car consumables. Why?

“Nobody wants to look soiled or messy, especially on the way to work, and coffee spills are the worst because drivers invariably try to make instant cleanups while still driving,� the company says. “In addition, hot coffee is often served at temperatures near scalding and can cause serious burns that also divert a driver’s focus.�

Tacos were judged the third most dangerous:

“Here’s a foodstuff that can disassemble itself without much help while being consumed. One good road bump, and the seat of your car looks like a salad bar.�

The rest of the dangerous 10, in order: hot soups, chili, “juicy� hamburgers, any barbecued food, fried chicken, jelly- and cream-filled doughnuts, soft drinks and chocolate.

Given that I’ve eaten seven of those 10 in my car -- skipping only chili, hot soups and filled doughnuts -- I guess I should consider myself fortunate to have escaped disaster.

Some people think eating -- or talking on a cell phone -- while driving is fast becoming almost as dangerous as driving while drunk.

Legislators in more than 35 states have introduced bills to curb cell phone use in cars, and the wording of the proposed law in New Jersey would prohibit other distractions as well, eating among them.

I don’t know of any reliable statistics on fatalities caused by dining drivers, but I’m sure they happen. A couple of months ago, I saw a story about a Tennessee man who was eating a burger he’d just bought at a McDonald’s when he crashed into a utility pole; his car spun around and hit a car in the next lane, injuring five people. (They all recovered.)

I’m tempted to say it serves him right for eating McDonald’s, but I figure that between the Big Mac and the big crash, he’s already suffered enough.

Early this month, a truck driver in Michigan was making a bologna sandwich while driving down an interstate highway at 2 a.m. He lost control of the vehicle, and the trailer full of logs that he was pulling fishtailed and rolled over.

The logs spilled, but he -- and the bologna sandwich -- were unscathed.

David Shaw can be reached at [email protected].