Late Trade for Harrison Would Have Looked Nice

I called the Sparks on Monday to determine if I would be the only male in attendance for Wednesday’s game at Staples Center.

A spokeswoman sounded shocked, leading me to believe I will probably be the first male to ever purchase a ticket to a WNBA game in this city.

Men can be pigs, as you know, so I’m guessing a lot have been turned off by https://playboy.com’s annual “Sexiest Babes of the WNBA” poll, which concluded last week that the Sparks don’t have any lookers.

I couldn’t care less, of course, because it’s the beauty of the game that attracts me.

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I’M TOLD it will be “Kids in Camp Day” at Wednesday’s game, and the first 4,000 youngsters in attendance will receive a Spark lunch box decorated with photos of the ugly players.

Most of the kids are being dragged to the game kicking and screaming, which should make for the Sparks’ noisiest crowd of the year.

Many of the youngsters are expected to be in restraints, wearing those leashes parents use on their kids to keep them in tow while walking through malls. I would think it’s the only way to keep them from trying to make a break for the doors.

It seems these youngsters signed up for summer camp with the expectation of going to fun places such as Disneyland or picnics in the park, only to learn that local business leaders have purchased Spark tickets with no intention of ever using them, buying them for the charity tax write-off and forcing the kids to go in their place.

Now it’s one thing to have to go to a Spark game on an otherwise fine summer afternoon, but imagine having to walk into school in September and meeting your pals while toting a Spark lunch box decorated with photos of ugly basketball players.

We’re talking here about kids being scarred for life.

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YOU AND I know looks aren’t everything. Look at Patrick Ewing. According to court testimony Monday, he went to a strip club and got sexual favors for free while the club’s owner and manager watched.

As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and from a distance, the Sparks look just fine to me. But still I waited around Monday night until the WNBA trading deadline had passed just in case the Sparks made a move to make their roster and their lunch boxes look more attractive with the acquisition of Phoenix Mercury forward Lisa Harrison.

Harrison received 45% of the https://playboy.com votes to top the poll, admittedly voting for herself and saying she wants to appear nude in the magazine.

I’m not familiar with the magazine, but it sounds to me as if this is someone who is trying to make a mockery of the WNBA.

“Listen,” she told an Arizona newspaper recently. “I need the publicity. I’m not getting it in the WNBA, so I’ll have to do it my own way.”

I might have suggested cute business cards.

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I CHECKED. There’s no need to worry about the little campers being corrupted Wednesday. The Sparks won’t be going up against the Phoenix playmate, and from what I understand after checking with https://playboy.com, L.A.’s next opponent, Sacramento, has even a worse-looking group than the Sparks.

Lisa Leslie, chosen by the https://playboy.com editorial staff as one of the 10 contestants in the “Sexiest Babe of the WNBA” poll, placed 10th with 2% of the vote. None of the 10 candidates eligible for selection came from Sacramento, which probably guarantees that I’ll be the only male in attendance.

In case there is any doubt, I should say I’m excited about actually watching a Spark game. Last year I used a media pass to attend a game, but never made it out of the media room because the Dodgers were on TV.

I went to the locker room to see Leslie--she did get 2% of the vote--and learned she’d hit 49 consecutive free throws. I went to her and said, “Jinx.”

I thought it was funny--she didn’t. In her next game, she missed her first free throw. I felt so bad I couldn’t bring myself to go to another game.

I’m told now she has a streak of 10 consecutive free throws. On second thought, I better not go to Wednesday’s game lest I jinx her again.

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I CAN’T wait for McKay Christensen’s bobble-head night.

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I THOUGHT it was Ian Woosnam’s responsibility to count his clubs before teeing off in the final round of the British Open in what has become one of sport’s biggest gaffes, but I’ve now learned that his golf bag was taller than he was, which explains why the math was left to his caddy, Miles Byrne.

Byrne failed to discard one of two drivers in Woosnam’s bag, which resulted in a two-stroke penalty for having 15 clubs.

“I’d fire him on the spot,” said ABC golf commentator Curtis Strange, losing all credibility with the suggestion he would have carried his own clubs for the remaining 17 holes.

Steve Elkington, who didn’t make the cut in the British Open using 14 clubs and a caddy that could count, told Jim Rome’s radio audience that Woosnam’s caddy is “an idiot. He’s gone.”

And people think I’m tough on lugs such as Chad Kreuter. It seems to me a pair of elevator shoes for Woosnam would have prevented all this.

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THERE’S A story in The Times’ A Section today about advertising being allowed now in California to adorn jockey attire, silks and saddle cloths.

I would think if Bob Baffert has a sense of humor, he’ll get a drug company to advertise on some of the horses he runs.

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THE ANGELS are one game above .500. If Seattle goes one game below .500 the rest of the way, all Anaheim has to do is finish 54-9 to place first.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Lanancy:

“I noticed your column missing and hoped you had been fired. But alas, your idiotic column is back, I see.”

I see you keep a close eye on it.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at [email protected]