LAUGH LINES

What’s Cooking: “Here in Los Angeles, we’re now getting our electric power from Mexico. It’s pretty good too. . . . The only drawback is you have to boil it first.” (Jay Leno)

Stamp of Approval: “The Food and Drug Administration gave its approval of a drug made by Pfizer to treat schizophrenia. . . . It’s the least Pfizer can do--in the last two years, Viagra has created a lot of Jekyll and Hyde personalities.” (Argus Hamilton)

Weighing In: “At the [presidential] inauguration, everybody was saying--not out loud, but kind of to themselves--that President Clinton looked like he had really put on a lot of weight because he looked a little . . . bigger than normal. . . . Well, turned out he had the White House coffee maker under his coat.” (David Letterman)

Tough to Live Up to: “The A&E; Network . . . had a biography on Jesus. . . . It was fascinating. A lot of scholars believe that Jesus was married. . . . I was thinking about that, and you know who I feel sorry for? His wife’s second husband. Because how do you live up to that? ‘My first husband walked on water. He fed 5,000 people with one little fish.’ ” (Leno)

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