Stylist Is Fired, Lawsuit Is Contemplated--Talk About Your Bad Hair Days

A resident of Paramount sought to file a criminal complaint against the owner of a beauty salon, the city’s newsletter reported. Her beef? The owner had fired her hairdresser, and now, she said, she couldn’t get her hair done.

Body transplant for Shaq? Laker Coach Phil Jackson and his star, Shaquille O’Neal, have clashed through the years over O’Neal’s weight, rumored to be more than 350 pounds. But you’d never know this was an issue from the shape of Shaq’s bobble-head doll (see photo). I’m not sure the coach would want Shaq to be this puny, though.

Unseasonal item: Oleg Yudintsev noticed that an auto shop’s “service center� sign had gone partly dark, leaving the impression that the business was offering an item not much in demand this chilly month (see photo).

School daze: The latest essay bloopers of students, collected by Huntington Park High instructor Juel Goldstock:

* He proposed, she accepted and they set a date for the weeding.

* Infested: adj., full of. At Thanksgiving, I was infested with turkey.

* She groomed herself with a brush, hair spray and moose.

* My favorite vacation spot is Big Bare.

* I don’t like her. She’s a little girl’s daddy.

* He was arrested for all his misterdeanors.

* Guys liked him and girls odored him.

* I have to go home and do my homework. After all now, I’m a 13th grader.

* I’m reading a book about a fisherman and a pearl. It’s called “John Steinbeck.�

* He won the No Bell Award.

Such a deal: We’re all familiar with the countless euphemisms of the business world: “team members� (employees), “downsizing� (the firing of team members), “preowned� or “previously enjoyed� (used) cars, and “residential suites� (condos).

The other day I received a mailing from AT&T; Broadband (see accompanying) and, judging by its heading, thought it must be some sort of discount. Nope. What big-hearted AT&T; calls a “coupon,� you or I would call a bill.

What’s in a name? You can’t always tell, as these observations from readers and colleagues illustrate:

* The Poolside Inn Motel in Long Beach has no pool (submitted by Mike Faneuff). (Try Big Bare in the summer.)

* The South Coast Repertory Theater in Costa Mesa is north of the North Coast Repertory Theater in Solana Beach (Mike Grundmann).

* AMI Auto World Weekly magazine is a biweekly (Doug Stokes), while Celebrity Week magazine is a monthly (Derek Lovett).

* The Foursquare Gospel Church is in a circular building in Echo Park.

* Upstairs Hair Designs is “five feet from the curb� in the Del Amo Shopping Mall (Pat Mooney).

* Then there’s the United Independent Taxi Co. Well, what is it, Laura Morgan asks, united or independent?

It’s enough to infest you with confusion.

miscelLAny: Hey buddy, can you spare 20 free weekend minutes? Janette Goldberg of West L.A. was stopped at a red light in Beverly Hills when she noticed a street person picking through a Dumpster while chattering on a cell phone. Don’t you just odor a guy like that?

*

Steve Harvey, frequent No Bell candidate, can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at [email protected].