LAUGH LINES
Back--and Better: “The comic strip ‘Little Orphan Annie’ returned to newspapers, and the cartoonist says the strip has been updated to give Annie a more contemporary feel. . . . For instance, in the first strip, Little Orphan Annie has a blood test and tries to prove that her real father is Mick Jagger.†(Conan O’Brien)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Signs You’re at a
Bad Amusement Park
10. The guy selling cotton candy is wearing rubber biohazard suit.
9. Park access roads always jammed with ambulance traffic.
8. Seventy million mice--and not one of them named “Mickey.â€
7. The “free fall†ride is just some guy pushing people in a ditch.
6. You ask where the men’s room is, and an employee points to the fun house.
4. Theme of the park is “impending bankruptcy.â€
3. The guy operating tilt-a-whirl fired for not being drunk enough.
2. Guess-your-weight guy makes you sit on his lap.
1. If you win a goldfish, you have to take it home in your mouth.
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