LAUGH LINES

All for Love: “For their honeymoon, a Texas couple pulled off a carjacking and drove to Buffalo. These kids today know how to be romantic. I can’t wait for their first anniversary. You rob a bank for that? Or is that the 10th anniversary?” (R.J. Johnson)

Keepin’ Busy: “George W. Bush is very excited. He’s already working on his first foreign policy blunder. . . . [He’s] been very busy writing his inauguration speech. Very busy putting a lot of time, a lot of effort into it, and I understand it’s lengthy. . . . Insiders say it’s about 12 cocktail napkins long.” (David Letterman)

Presidential Duties: “George W. Bush has said now that he is president-elect, his first job is to unify the country. . . . Then Bush said his second job will be to figure out how they build those model ships inside those tiny bottles.” (Conan O’Brien)

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