The British Have a Point, but Spare Us the Overkill

By RANDY HARVEY

Sept. 30, 1999 12 AM PT

Ever since the colonists hid behind rocks and trees and fired their muskets at the orderly Redcoats, the Brits have found it difficult to trust us.

They don’t believe we play fair, a notion reinforced with the U.S. Ryder Cup team’s riotous celebration on the 17th green Sunday that blew Jose Maria Olazabal’s concentration and whatever chance he had to sink his 30-foot putt.

In this particular instance, the Brits were correct in scolding us for our poor sportsmanship. The U.S. team’s unruly response to Justin Leonard’s marvelous 45-foot putt was an indefensible breach of golf etiquette, and all who were involved should have been arrested for disorderly conduct and immediately jailed.

Now I would suggest that Mr. Matthew Norman of the London Evening Standard similarly overreacted when he wrote that the behavior of a few overzealous golfers and their wives, girlfriends and fans was reflective of all Americans, who, according to Mr. Norman, are “repulsive, charmless, rude, cocky, mercenary, humorless, ugly, full of nauseating fake religiosity, and as odious in victory as they are unsporting in defeat.” (We are not humorless!)

Mr. Martin Johnson of the Daily Telegraph certainly was overwrought when he wrote of us, “This is a country which is so insular that most Americans still believe that the Second World War was won by John Wayne.”

Give us a little more credit than that. We all know that the Second World War was won by the allied forces of John Wayne, George C. Scott and Bob Crane.

That history lesson aside, I am in no way excusing the repulsive, rude, cocky, etc., etc., decorum of our rowdy Ryder Cuppers.

I break with the Brits, however, when they declare that this one highly regrettable incident is indicative of the American way.

If, for instance, the Brits would like to send their heavyweight, Lennox Lewis, over to fight our heavyweight, Evander Holyfield, I’m sure they will find that Lewis gets a fair shake. They can be assured that a reputable promoter such as Don “Only in America” King would never allow a fight to be rigged on his watch.

(L.A. Times, March 17, 1999: “New York Investigates Holyfield-Lewis Decision.”)

Tennis, anyone? Does anyone think for one moment that we would tarnish the venerable Davis Cup with some crass ploy, such as attempting to obtain an injury waiver for Todd Martin so that Pete Sampras could play on the final day against Australia?

(Ibid., July 19, 1999: U.S. Davis Cup Team Can’t Change Its Fate; Effort to Replace Martin With Sampras Fails.”)

Or how about the Brits’ own sport, soccer? We haven’t been playing long enough to even know the rules, much less know how to finesse one in order to win a World Cup.

(Ibid., July 15, 1999: “Crossing the Line; Unfair Way in Which U.S. Women’s Team Won World Cup Raises Morality Issue in Sports.”) We are governed by the same noble ideals as the Brits, handed down to all of us from on high at Mt. Olympus, and, most of the time, we try our dead-level best to adhere to them whether its on the golf course, the soccer pitch or in bidding for the Olympics.

(Ibid., Dec. 19, 1998: “Facing Facts in Bribery Scandal; Salt Lake City Investigates. Sept. 28, 1999: “New IOC Commission Will Look Into Atlanta Bid Process.”)

I know it was an American, Vince Lombardi, who is most associated with the saying, “Winning is not everything; it’s the only thing.” But most of us know that’s not true. He is not the one who said it, at least not first.

Another American, Leo Durocher, is believed to have written the book, “Nice Guys Finish Last.” We know that’s not true, either. He didn’t really write it. We’re not even sure if he read it.

We are humble in victory. The “Na-Na-Na-Na, Hey, Hey, Goodbye” song is a fond farewell, a salute to our vanquished but courageous foes. The lyrics were written by Alfred Lord Tennyson.

We are gracious in defeat.

(Ibid., Feb. 19, 1998: “At Least Dream Team Could Beat Furniture; Some U.S. Players Cause About $1,000 Worth of Damage to Their Rooms.”)

We are honorable, respectful, courteous, principled and dignified. No matter what you might have seen last Sunday outside Boston, where, by the way, we kicked British booty in 1776 and 1999, we are downright upright.

Anyone who believes otherwise, well, I don’t know where the Brits get these ideas.

Randy Harvey can be reached at his e-mail address: [email protected]