Tongue-in-Chic
WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — My Hollywood-residing friends got us tickets to see the wacky spoof “The Poseidon Adventure: The Musical†in West Hollywood, and it presented the perfect opportunity for my husband, Brian, and me, beach-dwelling suburbanites, to sample the Standard, the Sunset Strip’s curious new tongue-in-cheek hotel aimed at the terminally trendy.
When 42-year-old hotelier Andre Balazs, proprietor of the Strip’s legendary Chateau Marmont, teamed up with investors Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz and members of the group Smashing Pumpkins to create a new hotel across the street, expectations ran high for something cutting-edge. But the Standard’s interiors, fittingly created by film set designer Shawn Hausman (“The People vs. Larry Flyntâ€), resemble a 1960s sci-fi prediction of what a hotel might be like at the end of the 20th century. Targeted at trend-conscious Gen-X-and-Yers, the hotel, which opened last October, is attracting the gang who presumably spend more on their wardrobes than they’d like to on a hotel room: “Chic and cheap†rates are $95 to $200 per night.
At 5 p.m. on a recent Saturday, I pushed open the plate-glass doors under the hotel’s upside-down logo--purposely printed that way on everything from signs to stationery--and stepped into the future. Or was it the past? In place of the usual public space, the lobby has a “cocoon/conversation pit†lined with floor-and-ceiling white shag carpet, Ligne Roset sectional seating (we’re talking low brown couches), 1960s chrome Arco lamps and Baleri “egg†chairs resembling something Dino the Dinosaur might have hatched from. To my left, a sleek “Jetsonsâ€-style restaurant, devoid of customers, looked out on Sunset’s passing parade. (It’s scheduled to open officially this weekend.) So this was where young Hollywood’s A-list bachelors threw Oscar’s hottest bash in March, drawing the likes of Matt Dillon and Uma Thurman.
Behind the two clerks at the front desk, a large glass-walled display case housed a slumbering young woman in sleep mask and flesh-colored body stocking. I’d heard about this unusual bit of “human art,†but as I was registering, there came the sound of wheels on marble behind me, and the desk clerk erupted: “No, you can’t do that in here! It leaves skid marks!†admonishing a boy of no more than 6 to stop Rollerblading in the lobby. Well, almost anything goes here.
How ironic that this place began life as the Golden Crest Retirement Home. The 140 guest rooms promise Austin Powers-like possibilities: inflatable sofas, Eames surfboard tables and chairs, Andy Warhol print draperies. Hotelier Balazs says of his creation, “We’ve taken things from the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s, then combined them to add up to 2000.†This includes a disc jockey’s booth built into the front desk, a performance artist-gardener who “mows†the electric-blue Astro Turf surrounding the swimming pool, a screening room, tattoo parlor and Rudy’s Barbershop (offshoot of the cool Seattle shop where Kurt Cobain used to get his locks shorn). Jennifer Lopez, Rose McGowan and Gloria Estefan have all stopped by for a $19 haircut; buzz cuts are $15. (Balazs is married to Katie Ford, president of Ford Models, Inc., assuring an ample supply of beautiful people.)
I’d booked a pool/city view for $165, but got city view only. My impression: utilitarian, impersonal, surprisingly asexual. Royal blue industrial carpet; a low, spare bed with a single bold stripe down the center. No blow-up sofa or Eames chairs, but a silver beanbag chair slumped in the corner.
My pals swung by to pick us up for the show, staged by Theatre-a-Go-Go at the nearby St. Genesis Theatre. At a mere $14.95 per ticket, “Poseidon Adventure: The Musicalâ€--subtitled “Hell, Upside-Down, Set to Musicâ€--turned out to be a riotous romp of ‘70s polyester shtick.
We returned to the hotel at 10 p.m., and the place had transformed into a jet-age cocktail party. With the lobby deejay spinning ambient vibes, couches were draped with languid 20-somethings in clingy Lurex tubes and customized jeans. Out by the pool overlooking West Hollywood’s flatlands, we ordered drinks and watched the city lights twinkle through old-fashioned telescopes.
But the fast lane beckoned on the Strip. We walked past the hoppin’ House of Blues for a quick peek at Sky Bar, the hip hangout for wannabes at Ian Schrager’s airy Mondrian Hotel. Down the block, the glaring red lights of porn publisher Larry Flynt’s flagship Hustler Boutique beckoned lasciviously. I don’t know what came over me, but--sorry, Mom--I wanted to have a look. On the lower level of this over-lighted emporium, the hard-core content has been somewhat softened by the presence of a G-rated coffee bar/bookstore. We ordered Italian sodas and sat down for some serious people-watching.
But even students of human behavior have to eat. Since everything was so crowded with cruisers, we repaired to our hotel room for decent hamburgers, chopped salads and grilled vegetables from the room service menu. Sunday, Brian and I had brunch alfresco at Le Petit Four cafe in Sunset Plaza and discussed the ways in which the Standard definitely is not our fathers’ hotel.
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Budget for Two
The Standard Hotel: $186.45
Theater tickets: 25.90
Drinks, poolside: 8.00
Drinks, Mondrian bar: 12.00
Sodas, Hustler Boutique: 5.50
Hotel room service: 38.52
Brunch, Le Petit Four 42.50
FINAL TAB: $318.87
The Standard Hotel, 8300 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90069; tel. (323) 650-9090.
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