Are Video Cameras at Delivery a Good Idea?

Dear Vicki: I heard on the news that a local hospital has forbidden the use of video cameras in the delivery room. The justification was something about people getting in the way of the medical staff while trying to make a good home movie.

Vicki, I love my birth videos; they are tasteful, and my husband stayed well out of the way. Is this prohibition as stupid as I think it is?

--READY WHEN YOU ARE

MR. DE MILLE

Dear Ready: Since there are rarely any hard and fast rules in this universe, most reasonable people make decisions by weighing the pros and cons. Is it worth having the OB shove a zealous photographer out of her line of vision if the reward is a fascinating bit of family history?

For my money, the value of the keepsake far outweighs any small annoyance on the part of the hospital staff and mommy.

Besides, if the videographer is standing between the doctor and the launch pad, one has to ask: What exactly is he shooting, anyway?

Call me a frustrated litigator, but I have to ask: Is the hospital afraid of the evidence potential of our little home movies? Otherwise, why didn’t the hospital ban all cameras, birth coaches and pizza deliveries for famished nurses and spouses? Just curious.

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Dear Vicki: My in-laws live nearby and take my kids out for the day at least one weekend a month, which is terrific. Here’s the problem: They give the kids anything they want to eat and drink all day long. By dinnertime, they are gaseous from nachos, nauseous from clouds of cotton candy and completely strung out from caffeine and sugar.

I never allow the kids to eat this junk, and I’ve told Granny and Gramps the house rules. Should I stop visiting privileges until they learn to respect my rules?

--MAMA WITHOUT A CAUSE

Dear Mama: Take my word for it; grandparents are worth the trouble. In fact, if your child happens to have one or two of his own, he or she is truly blessed. File this under the You Never Know What You’ve Got Until It’s Gone category.

Believe me, as the daughter-in-law of a woman who sends my kids “un-birthday” presents while I’m trying to teach them the world is not one big toy store, I feel your pain. When Grandma takes them out to eat, she justifies French fries as “vegetables.”

In my years as a novice parent, when I still believed I could protect by kids from all worldly pollution, this kind of spoiling made me mad enough to cry out. Now I’m happy I kept my mouth shut (at least most of the time), because it has given Grandma and the kids a decade of conspiratorial love that they all cherish.

Sure, if grandparents actually put your children in imminent danger (not fastening seat belts or leaving the pool open and unsupervised) then you must take a stand. And you’re helping the grandfolks if you take the time to explain exactly what you hope to achieve by each of your rules: Remember, they were raised to think smoking was fine.

But when it’s more a difference of parenting style, remember that your kid knows who’s boss and will be able to re-adapt to boot camp after the granny vacation. Just insist that grandparents who give toys unassembled keep them at their house and those who give kids sugar or caffeine promise to sit with them until they go to sleep that night. That’ll learn ‘em.

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Dear Readers: I didn’t think any topic would inspire more controversy in this column than the issue of circumcision, but I was wrong. “Kids in restaurants” is off the scale; my mail is measuring about 4 to 1 in favor of keeping small kids out of dining establishments that don’t provide laminated menus, but the minority is anything but silent.

The people who don’t like to dine with people who still wear bibs include both parents and nonparents (not to mention several prominent maitre d’s). The people who feel kids should be welcome almost anywhere tend to be parents of young kids. No surprise there, I guess.

Anyway, this debate is far from over. People are weighing in with opinions about kids in movie theaters, hair salons and weddings. Another hot topic seems to be the invitations that expressly request “adults only, please.” Lots of mommies are taking those invites like a punch in the ovaries.

Keep writing; there is so much more to talk about here.

Vicki Iovine is the harried author of the “Girlfriends’ Guide,” a columnist for Child magazine and mother of four. Write to Girlfriends, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053; e-mail [email protected]. Please include your name and phone number. Sorry, questions cannot be answered individually.