He Milks TV Ad for Kisses and Fame

When Earl Schuman joined the 2121 Seniors in Commercials class offered by the city of L.A., he never dreamed he’d get the chance to kiss a cow. But he got to do just that in a TV spot aired by a national dairy organization (see photo). Schuman’s teacher, Adrienne Omansky, has helped several seniors win on-camera roles by sending their classroom tapes to local ad agencies (information: [323] 931-1026). In the dairy commercial, Schuman, 83, was teamed up with a much younger female named Elsie. The scene required 35 takes (meaning, yes, 35 kisses). “There is a downside to this business,” Schuman told Omansky.

HE WAS JUST TOO JOLLY: Obviously, auditions for Omansky’s students don’t always work out. Take the case of Ray Bourguignon, who is a professional Santa Claus. For some reason, a casting director sent him to try out for a part in a gritty movie. The film director took one look at the white-bearded Bourguignon and rejected him for the role, explaining, “Who would believe Santa as a drug addict?”

EVERYBODY’S IDEA OF FUN IS DIFFERENT: Beverly and Mark Brutzkus noticed that one L.A. hotel listed in the Auto Club’s 1999 Tour Book offers a form of recreation that is about as fun as ordering laundry service (see accompanying).

THE ABC’S OF MOVING: It’s a wonder that there are any students in classrooms, judging from all the scholastic-sounding names of moving companies in local telephone directories. Consider these:

* Affordable Student Movers

* College Boys Moving

* Starving College Students Moving

* Starving Scholars Moving

* Starving Students Moving

Then there’s the company evidently staffed by dropouts: Starving Actors Moving.

Incidentally, Starving Students once sued Starving College Students, accusing the latter of copying its name. (Every school kid knows you’re not supposed to copy.)

So what did Starving College Students do? It countersued, of course.

A federal magistrate in L.A. threw out both suits, declaring that the two companies were neither starving nor solely staffed by students.

SELLING ON THE RUN: The item here that pictured the “flee” market typographical error brought this note from Tom Pritchett:

“I was reminded of a real ‘flee’ market we saw on the streets of Venice (Italy, not L.A.) a few years ago. These purveyors of purses, belts and other leather goods would choose a crowded street and lay out their wares on a rug. A youngster would keep lookout and when he spotted the police walking their way, he would sound the alarm. The merchants would roll up the rug and they’d run like hell. Great fun to watch!”

OVITZ AND BROAD CAN RELAX: Guess I was wrong about Temple City trying to snare a pro football franchise. Jerry Kearney tells me that the outdoor sign that he photographed--the one that seemed to list a sports czar among city officers--has been fixed. It now shows a mayor “pro tem,” instead of a mayor “pro team.”

YOU CAN’T BE TOO CAREFUL: The police log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise mentioned this report of suspicious behavior in Seal Beach: “Del Monte Drive, 8:39 p.m.: A man was heard whistling for about an hour.”

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Ken McIntyre of Torrance was driving through Lancaster when he came upon Koufax Drive. Fine, what could be more fitting than a tribute to the Dodgers’ greatest pitcher? But McIntyre noticed that it’s right next to Mays Street. A Dodger and a Giant in the same neighborhood? With the long rivalry between the two teams, not to mention the cities of El Lay and Ess Eff? “What warped personality came up with that arrangement?” McIntyre asked. “Probably an Angels fan.”