A Burning Love for Ancient Elvis

A roundup of unusual news stories from around the globe, compiled from Times wire services:

Hammurabi Hotel: A Finnish academic known for recording Elvis Presley songs in Latin is planning a new record of the King’s hits--this time in ancient Sumerian. He has been practicing with “Blue Suede Shoes�--translated into the cuneiform language of Babylonia that died out around 2000 BC.

*

Britain as 51st State?: In the wake of reports that former British Prime Minister Harold Wilson held secret talks with President Lyndon Johnson in the 1960s about Britain becoming America’s 51st state, England’s Sun tabloid has published a list of 20 reasons why the United Kingdom should merge with its former colonies.

For starters, “Americans speak much better English than the majority of Europeans,� said the Sun, which is decidedly skeptical about the move for European unity. Other reasons included: lower U.S. unemployment, higher salaries, lower crime rates, longer life spans, lower taxes, sexier scandals, and local phone calls are free.

Also, Viagra is more readily available.

*

Skydiving Goat: Animal-rights activists filed a complaint against the government of a Spanish town, saying it was abusive to animals during its annual ritual of hurling a goat from a church tower.

The goat emerged shaken but unscathed from the 50-foot plunge after being caught in a canvas sheet by revelers, who then paraded the animal through the village.

*

Alphabet Soup Airport: If the opening of Hong Kong’s $20-billion airport was a headache, readying the official inquiry report is daunting. The 702-page tome is awash in acronyms--228 to be exact.

For instance, in referring to a passenger who had a heart attack and wasn’t taken quickly enough to the hospital, the report said steps were underway to improve efficiency: “AA and FSD are arranging a direct line to be installed between FSCC and ACC so that, in future, requests for ACC escort vehicle do not have to go through AMFSRC.�

*

The Van Gogh/Mike Tyson School of Barbering: A Hong Kong man who accepted a free haircut got more than he bargained for when the stylist snipped off part of his right ear, the South China Morning Post reported.

*

News McNuggets:

* An 18-wheeler full of Blow-Pops suckers overturned in Nashville, Tenn., recently, spilling 72,000 pounds of candy at the junction of two interstates.

* Italy’s high court has ruled that a wife has no justification to cheat on her husband simply because he is always at the office. Although adultery stopped being a crime in traditionally Catholic Italy 30 years ago, the ruling made it clear that courts still consider it morally wrong.

* The body of a wealthy Canadian recluse lay decomposing in his Ontario house for four years, partly eaten by his pet cats, while someone collected his mail, cut his lawn and shoveled his snow, officials said.

* Counterfeit parking permits for reserved handicapped spaces are flooding into El Paso from Mexico, officials said. The fake parking cards cost $10 and look very authentic.

* A South African paddle-skier who was attacked by a 13-foot-long man-eating great white shark punched it on the snout to escape.

*

Wide World of Weird is published on Sundays. Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.