Ale, Ale, the Hang’s All Beer . . .

Eine Zwei Drei. Suffa! . . . Hundreds of steins are raised and drained in a single breath, and shouts of zicke-zacke, zicke-zacke heu-heu-heu! fill the air as the band tears into its 25th chicken dance of the night.

Welcome to Oktoberfest.

The sausages and strudel are plentiful and delicious. The polkas are boisterous and fun. There are drinking contests and sing-alongs and some of the best beer you’ll likely find anywhere.

And, oh, the beer! Gallons and gallons of frothy, rich, golden Marzen brew.

The real thing. Full bodied Oktoberfest lagers with names such as Dinkel Acker, Warsteiner, Bitburger Pils and Fransiscaner, served in oversized steins by frauleins who look like they just stepped off the label of a bottle of St. Pauli Girl.

Of course, if you just can’t seem to acquire a taste for authentic German-style beer, there’s usually a tap or two of the Coors-Weiser style brews.

The way I see it, though, drinking American-style brews at an Oktoberfest is like ordering Spaghettios at Antonello.

Of course, beer alone does not an Oktoberfest make.

Nope. There’s music too. Noisy, jangling polkas so zesty and fun that you just can’t help but jump in and dance your schnitzel off.

You say: “But, Williams, everyone knows that you’re the Lord of the Polka; I’ve got two left feet.�

No problemo, mein freund! That’s where the chicken dance comes in.

Not since the hokey-pokey has there been an easier dance to learn. In about three minutes you’ll have the four basic moves down cold, and you’ll be flapping your wings and shaking your tail feathers with the best of them.

The great thing is that it’s done numerous times each night, so you can pretty much do one chicken dance for every stein you knock down.

The more beer, the more frenzied the dancing gets. My best Oktoberfest memory is the time I did the chicken on top of the festival hall tables at Old World Village in Huntington Beach.

All that flapping about is hungry work. And there’s no better way to bring up the energy level than a trip through the chow line.

Knockwurst or bratwurst sausage, ox on the spit, sauerkraut, German potato salad and strudel are typical fare at Oktoberfest.

Can’t imagine eating something with the words “ox� and “spit� in the name? Not to worry. There are usually hamburgers, hot dogs, barbecued chicken and other fare for the less adventurous.

One thing to keep in mind. Oktoberfest is an experience best shared on a group level. For maximum fun, arrange an evening out with two to three couples. That way there will be plenty for you to talk about for weeks to come. And, for God’s sake, make sure you bring along a designated driver, or plan to share cab fare.

The tradition of Oktoberfest goes back more than 180 years.

So pleased that his son, Ludwig, was getting married, in 1810 Bavarian King Max Joseph threw the biggest wedding party the kingdom had ever seen.

It was such a blow-out that he decided to revive the celebration the following year, and it’s been going strong ever since.

Today, the 16-day festival in Munich is the largest in the world, drawing some 6 million visitors from around the globe.

Here at home, festivities are done on a much smaller scale, but it’s still a blast.

Eating, drinking, dancing and singing--sure it’s bacchanalian. Even hedonistic. But what the heck.

Break out your lederhosen, dust off your trusty stein, find a designated driver and go for it.

Below is a list of Oktoberfest celebrations near you.

Oktoberfest 1998 at Old World Village, 7561 Center Ave., Huntington Beach. 7-11 p.m. Wednesdays and Thursdays. 6:30 p.m.-1 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays (21 and over). 2-9 p.m. Sundays. $3.50-$10. Free on Sundays. Ends Oct. 25. (714) 895-8020.

Oktoberfest at the Phoenix Club, 1340 S. Sanderson Ave., Anaheim. 7 p.m.-midnight Fridays and Saturdays. 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Sundays. Free on Fridays. $5 Saturday and Sunday. Includes rides and family activities on Sundays. Ends Nov. 1 (closed Oct. 30). (714) 563-4166

Alpine Village Park Oktoberfest, Harbor Freeway and Torrance Boulevard, Torrance. 6:30 p.m.-1 a.m. Fridays (21 and over). 6 p.m.-1 a.m. Saturdays (21 and over). Noon-7 p.m. Sundays. $5. Children younger than 12 free Sundays only. Ends Nov. 1. (310) 327-4384.

Big Bear Lake’s 27th Annual Oktoberfest, at the Big Bear Convention Center, Division Drive and Big Bear Boulevard, Big Bear Lake. Noon-midnight Saturdays. Noon-6 p.m. Sundays. $3-$6. Children 12 and younger are free on Sundays. Ends Oct. 25. (800) 424-4232.