How to Salute That Ex-Special Someone

An Idaho firm is marketing a piece of jewelry called the “Big D Divorce Ring� ($19.95), which one would wear “to spark conversations with future friends or potential lovers.� And where did I come across this trinket? Why, in Southern California’s Divorce magazine.

Yes, enough talk about the Generation X. Finally, a local publication for the Ex Generation--chock-full of ads from lawyers, accountants, hair dressers and off-beat jewelry companies, too.

Incidentally, the sellers of the Big D ring suggest that it be worn “on your middle finger.�

I salute their business sense!

MORE CHEERY NEWS: In Long Beach’s Grunion Gazette, Gregory Ainsworth spotted a personal watercraft ad placed by someone who must sell “due to life sucks� (see accompanying). Nothing like the poetic touch.

IF YOU’RE FEELING LOST . . . : And, after the first two items today, I can’t blame you--well, Katie Shiban suggests you take a spin down Walnut Street in Pasadena.

When you reach the parking lot in her snapshot, you’ll be disoriented no longer (see photo).

GOOD CAR HUNTING: The movie “Good Will Hunting “ relates an urban folk tale about a drunk driver who is pulled over by an officer late one night and ordered to take a sobriety test.

Just as he gets out of his car, a serious accident occurs nearby. The driver is told to wait while the officer sprints over to lend aid. Several minutes pass and the wily suspect decides he’ll take his chances and drive off. He gets home and tells his wife that, if anyone asks, he’s been in bed all evening.

Sure enough, the officer arrives a bit later and hears the wife’s alibi. She is asked to show him her husband’s car.

When they open the garage, the wife is asked to explain why her husband drove home in a police car.

GOOD CAR HUNTING, PART II: It so happens that I mentioned the above yarn in this column more than three years ago, noting it had been recounted in locales as diverse as Anaheim Stadium and a La Brea Avenue synagogue.

And now it pops up in “Good Will Hunting.� I really missed my chance.

Little did I know back then that I only needed to devise another 1 hour and 59 minutes or so of plot and I could have had a hit movie.

YOU HAVE TO BE A SPECIALIST THESE DAYS: And Paul Rabwin of L.A. found a mechanic’s shop in mid-Los Angeles that seems to be a generalist when it comes to specializing (see photo). All cars, eh? How about Yugos?

SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF KRAMER’S SCHEMES: A reader phoned to say, “I enjoy your column. I’m also a ‘Seinfeld’ fan. His show is called ‘The Show That’s Not About Anything.’ Now that it’s going off the air, I thought maybe your column could be called, ‘The Column That’s Not About Anything.�’

Thanks for the suggestion!

I think.

THE SPELLING IS THE FIRST THING TO GO: Howard Cohen of Hollywood found a flier on his door from a window washer who described himself as a “malnurished� screenwriter.

miscelLAny:

Looking for that special poodle you can put in your will? A pet group will offer animals for adoption at Farmers Market on Saturday, while at a nearby table, the Beverly Hills Bar Assn. dispenses free legal advice.

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Steve Harvey, who specializes in all items, can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.