THE TIMES’ RANKINGS BY CHRIS DUFRESNE / 1-25

1. North Carolina (7-0): In touching tribute to Coach Smith, football team switches to Four Corner offense.

2. Nebraska (6-0):Model program, class kids, Dartmouth of the Midwest.

3. Florida State (6-0): Yes, Virginia, we do remember our only ACC loss.

4. Penn State (6-0): If Paterno wins 300th this year, put an asterisk next to that Minnesota win. Paterno will.

5. Michigan (6-0): Quarterback opens roadside diner called “Griese Spoon.”

6. Ohio State (6-1): John Cooper criticized for going to two-platoon, water-boy system.

7. Florida (6-1): Don’t think Spurrier can coach? Watch the Auburn tape.

8. Tennessee (5-1): Don’t think Fulmer can coach? Watch the Florida tape(s).

9. Washington State (6-0): Will team get a “Palouse escort” if it goes to first Rose Bowl since ‘31?

10. Washington (5-1): Don James starts arduous peeling process in preparation for Nov. 22 “Apple Cup” festivities vs. WSU.

11. Notre Dame (1920): “I’ve got to go, Rock. It’s all right. I’m not afraid.” --George Gipp on deathbed.

12. UCLA (5-2): “Uh, could we possibly play those first two games over again?”

13. Auburn (6-1): Dameyune Craig doesn’t need Jenny Craig after Florida defenders ran him ragged.

14. Louisiana State (5-2): “WE BEAT FLORIDA!!” Flash forward: “WE GOT STOMPED BY OLE MISS!”

15. Michigan State (5-1): Looking past Michigan to big Nov. 1 Ohio State encounter.

16. Oklahoma State (6-0): Former coach Jimmy Johnson privately taking credit for turnaround.

17. Georgia (5-1): NCAA clears Herschel Walker to play against Florida on Nov. 1.

18. Toledo (6-0): What! Toledo ranked ahead of Purdue? Folks, Toledo beat Purdue.

19. Purdue (5-1): “Purdue, the Jim Colletto Years,” going for two bits at campus bookstore.

20. Iowa (4-2): No one requesting Hayden Fry’s halftime speech after collapse at Michigan.

21. Virginia Tech (5-1): Last one out of the Big East is a rotten egg.

22. Arizona State (5-2): 66 points against Stanford/USC last two weeks. Guess they’re back.

23. Miami, Ohio (6-1): Knocked the (peat) Moss out of Marshall last week.

24. Mississippi (4-2): Please don’t be offended by our well-meaning Confederate Flag waving.

25. Kansas State (5-1): Token poll appearance until annual loss to Colorado (Nov. 15).