A Note That Didn’t Come From Mom

A freshman high school boy came to the readmit window of the attendance office with a note signed by his mother.

A school employee told him the note was unacceptable. The boy asked why.

“Your mother didn’t write the note,” the employee replied. The boy couldn’t understand the problem, protesting that all the girls get readmitted with that excuse.

The note said that he had been “absent due to cramps.”

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IT NEVER RAINS IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: During a downpour in South Pasadena, members of a movie crew (covered in tarps and raincoats) were busy setting up a large spotlight to shoot a smiling family on the front porch of a house bathed in cinematic sunlight.

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MEET MR. WHAT’S HIS NAME: Press conferences designed to introduce new coaches in L.A. have not lacked for unintentional humor.

The tradition was upheld by USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett the other day when he declared that the school’s new football coach, Paul Hackett, is currently “the athletic director at the University of, uh, Kansas City Chiefs.”

Several years ago, Lakers owner Jerry Buss unveiled the team’s co-coaches, Jerry West and Pat Riley. West, standing next to Buss, replied that he didn’t want to coach, much to Buss’ surprise. So Riley alone got the job.

Then there was the time when then-USC Athletic Director Mike McGee introduced George Raveling, the school’s new basketball coach, this way: “Jim Raveling--uh, George Raveling.”

The bright side to Garrett’s miscue this week was that Hackett, at least, wasn’t present. He’s back in the Midwest where his University of Kansas City Chiefs are preparing for the NFL playoffs.

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OOH L.A. L.A.: I ran across an unusual book about L.A.--”Lust Angeles,” by F. M. Philips, who was identified on the book jacket as “the author of ‘Sin Diego.’ ”

The introduction is by author Norma Jean Almodovar, who gained some attention a few years back with a book about her career change, “Cop to Call Girl.”

“Lust Angeles” is an underground guide to sexual goings-on here, everything from nude beaches to “sexy celebrities.”

Which has nothing to do with today’s snapshot, courtesy of John Mayer of North Hollywood (see photos). Despite the possible connotation of the initials, the company merits no listing in “Lust Angeles.”

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ATTENTION--COUCH POTATOES: Laurie Battin came upon a flier that would seem directed at guys who are stationary objects in front of TV sets (see accompanying).

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ONLY IN HOLLYWOOD: David Gregg of Culver City spotted the headline in the L.A. Business Journal: “Lawsuit Accuses ‘Liar Liar’ Producers of Dishonesty.”

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TRAVEL AGENTS’ DREAM MATCH: Pepperdine’s water polo team defeated USC the other day to win the national title--in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Yup, the two cross-town rivals each traveled 3,000 miles to play each other. Makes sense--after all, swimming pools are so scarce out here.

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MAYBE EL NINO WILL DROWN THEM: Jeff Bliss of Newbury Park noticed a pest control worker’s truck with this message on the side: “Killer bee update: They are 89 miles south of Los Angeles.”

By today, it’s probably 88 1/2 miles.

The handyman’s truck also carried this advice for dealing with killer bees: “If attacked, run fast in a zigzag pattern.”

miscelLAny:

Phyllis Waggner of West Hollywood saw an ad on a bus that said, “The doctors at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center are only a kidney stone’s throw away.”

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.